Thursday, April 12, 2012

The more I read, the more I worry

Today's prompt is a stream of conscious post.  I am to start with a sentence, write and then heaven help us all!!--simply press publish.  Be forewarned as this may end up worse than my normal ramblings!

The more I read, the more I worry...

The more I read, the more I worry about my son and his diabetes care. Since my son's diagnosis, I have closely followed adults who were diagnosed as young children.  I have not been nearly so interested in the tales of people diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 12 or even 20.  Yes, its sad but my son knows nothing but life with diabetes. What will that mean for him? How do I best help him? What have other parents done?

I listen intently when I hear people talk who have been where my son lives. I ask them what their parents did right and pray that I can do the same for my son.

I also listen to their tales of rebellion. Some people, who don't know any different, will tell you that he doesn't know any other life so how can it be as "bad" as a child diagnosed at an older age? I know that his age offers no protection only more dangers.

A teen is a teen. A young adult is a young adult.  Both tend to feel indestructible.  They cannot die. They cannot really hurt themselves.  Their body will always be there and parents hover and worry too much. They are right in that as a parent I do worry...a lot!

Yesterday my son came home after being away for a few days.  I have yet to look at his glucometer. I don't want to freak out at readings not done.  He did tell me that he had run high and almost changed his site. He said that he knew I would have said it was the site and made him change it.  He eventually came down without a site change and felt vindicated in his decision.  Last night he was running high again. I told him to change the site. At 3am he was still high, not nearly as sensitive to that high as he would normally be (normally he would be up using the washroom, etc) and I woke him up to change the site.

It left me worrying even more.  I had recently read about a young man who had A1cs through the roof (we are talking serious double digits) before he got back on board with the help of a loving partner.  If my son will ignore site changes and high readings now, will this doom us to him heading down the same path? Will all of my years of hard work protect him through those years? Will I be lucky and he will not take as destructive a path as some? Will he learn? He says that he hates feeling high. He says that he knows his body. Will that protect him? Will he keep calling me? Will he listen? Will he take care of himself?

The fears seem to get stronger over the years.  I partially blame the aging of my oldest son. He is now ready to spread his wings and begin his old life. Mom's importance has diminished greatly and yet my worries have grown. 

The other day, I wrote a letter to 16 year old me. Some days I wish I could have a letter today telling me that the future will be fine.  Something to guide me over the rough patches and let me know that all of us will be okay.


  1. barb, with your knowledge of diabetes, and with you as his mother, your son will do fine. the advancements in care and in technology will help to see him through. i believe that those that "no nothing but life with diabetes" DO tend to do better that those children, such as myself, that were diagnose later (age12), because although all teens tend to rebell, they don't remember eating whatever, whenever, without testing and bolusing. and yes they will "try" the same things that other teens are trying, but with knowledge, comes power. and you are giving him knowledge and power. and in the end, that's all you can do. CARRY ON and remember YOU CAN DO THIS!