Wednesday, November 10, 2010

One step forward and...Ouch We Fell

Didn't I just finish saying that I knew it wouldn't last? Didn't I say that I knew that my son had not miraculously changed? Well, I guess I do have to grateful for small victories and move forward from there.

Yes, he is still bolusing for virtually everything that enters his mouth (and that is a lot!).  Yes, he still makes sure that I am up if he is low before going to bed.  And yes, he tests around lunch time and before he leaves school in the afternoon.  This means that we still have a couple of areas to work on...

He still "forgets" to test after breakfast.  He still "forgets" to fill out his log book.  He still "forgets" to test after a low despite his mother is nagging him in the background, "Did you retest?"  "Have you tested yet?"

Yesterday I was frustrated and I knew that part of that frustration came from being upset with myself.  I used to do all of this and now I seem to have problems keeping on top of him doing most of it.  I am getting paranoid because I have started to sleep a little more sound.  Am I waking up when I hear my child but tuning out the rest of the world? What if I am sleeping too sound and am not hearing him all of the time?

Why am I allowing the log book to fall so far behind? Why am I not checking that it is done at least every other day? Why am I not demanding to see the readings after a low? Why am I not paying attention to that test two hours after he ate? How did I get so slack? If I am this slack how can I expect more from my 13 year old?

Reality check Mom! Doing it all was easy when he was five and ate when you told him.  Doing it all was easy when teachers reminded him to test and he was not a semi-independent teen.  You do wake for the important things...your son stumbling around because he site is blocked and he is high; him hovering over your bed because he is low.  How can you keep track of two hours after a meal when every time you turn around his bum is sticking out of the fridge and his mouth is full?

Time flies by and one day seems to flow into the next.  I do look at his meter every day after school now...this is how I found out within a few days that he was not testing in the morning at school.  I did allow him a day to fix the error of his ways.  I did text him multiple times to remind him to test (he left his phone in his school bag).  I did punish him when he failed to hold up his end of the bargain and remember to test. I have begun putting information in his log book so that I have something to work with.

We have instituted some new old rules.  We are back to sitting at the table after school and filling out the log book every day.  I suggested that he test as soon as he gets to school. Its a little early but that reading will give me more information than a test 6 hours after breakfast.  He has decided to make sure he is carrying his meter at school at all times....HOLD IT!  Not carrying his meter at all times??? Nope, he keeps it in his locker during the mornings.  Ugh! He wears pants with tonnes of pockets.  He can carry his meter.  He carries it everywhere when he is at home.

My son is changing. I have some hope.  He is more aware of his appearance and his hygiene.  He is adjusting to a new environment and a new way of life.  He is being asked to do more regarding his diabetes care.  We are both trying to find our way and the stumbling? Well my knees are getting sore from tripping and I am sure his bum is getting sore from falling. Hopefully we will both keep learning and I will remember to keep my eyes focused on the small victories.

They are victories.  He is moving forward in his care...its just the backward falls that kill me as I seem to trip along with him.  The joys of parenting a teen with diabetes...I know, I am far from done yet!

1 comment:

  1. A silent, gentle, thoughtful smile just crossed my lips and face while reading this. I am really engaged in your journey with your son. I know I will be there in six years and I know it won't be easy.

    Thank you for the gift of your words and insight.