One out of two is a start!

Saturday night I woke up to test my son. He was a little high so I made a correction and went back to bed.  A few hours later I woke up and he was still high.  Again, he wasn't "really" high but his bg levels had not dropped as I would have expected after the correction. I made another correction and waited for my son to get up.

When he woke, I told him that I thought he should change his site. He had been high despite a correction. He said that he disagreed.  "I am high because there was a blockage and I fixed it."

"What do you mean there was a blockage? When? You fixed it how?"

"Last night, at four in the morning. There was a blockage in the tubing but I fixed it."

"Last night, at FOUR in the morning YOU woke up and fixed a problem with your pump?"

"Yeah, I heard the alarm and woke up and fixed it."

"YOU heard the alarm? YOU woke up??" 

"Yeah, I woke up. I got it fixed. No problem."

Yes,  as you can tell I was completely stunned. He would sleep through a nuclear holocust! He woke up to an alarm on his pump without it electrocuting him? Was my son growing up? Was he becoming responsible? Could he really wake up from an alarm all on his own?

Short answer? No.  The next night, we seemed to have had the same problem. He was high. I corrected. Later that morning I corrected again. This time the blockage alarm happened while I was there. I woke him up and made him change his site.  He was happily sleeping through the alarms. 

Oh well, baby steps. He has at least woke up once for an alarm.  That in itself borders on a Christmas miracle!

No this is not my son but he was just too cute not to add!

He isn't turning off the alarm clock!?!

The other morning I got up like every other morning. I turned off my alarm before it rang. I stumbled to the bathroom in an attempt to wake myself up. I waited to hear my son's alarm go off before I had to go in and kick him out of bed.
While I was washing my face, I heard the telltale "Beep, Beep, Beep!" of an alarm clock. I waited to hear my son turn it off.
And I waited.
And I waited.
What was going on? Why didn't he turn it off? Some mornings it will take a bit before he will bother to reach up and shut it off but as it gets more insistent, he always turns it off. Why hasn't he turned it off?
The beeping continued.
Panic began to creep in. He was high last night. I know he was. I tested and retested before I corrected.  He was low on insulin. There is no way he could have gone that low...could he? He was fine. Why wasn't he turning the alarm off?
I rushed to dry my face and put in my contacts. Of course because I was beginning to panic, my contacts jumped everywhere but into my eyes. I finally got everything together. I had to see what was wrong.

As I stepped out of the washroom I realized that the beeping was coming from my own room! While I thought I had turned off my alarm, I hadn't and since Larry was already up and in the kitchen, there was no one in the room to turn it off!
With a huge sigh of relief, I went to check on my son. As expected he was just waking up and looking at me wondering what my problem was. Oh my! What I do to myself!

Pancreatic Dynamic Duo

What was your reading?

8.1 (145ish).

Two hours after you ate...I did a great job as a pancreas this morning!

What? Who?? You? Excuse me, but I did a great job!

How do you figure that one? I calculate the bolus. I figure the carb to insulin ratio. I establish the basals and this morning I got it right.

But I push the buttons! If I didn't bolus I wouldn't be in range would I? That means that I am the good pancreas.

He had me there! You've got to love the logic and the validity of the argument!! "Okay WE make an awesome pancreas."  

He was okay with that but still felt that he deserved the bulk of the credit. I pray that one day he will take all of the credit and still will be doing a great job.  At that point I will know that he paid attention and learned well.  

For now? Well together we can be a pretty good pancreatic team! Despite the complaints, the grumbles and the missed tests, working together for the past three months we have again managed to keep his A1c under 7% and brought it down three points from the summer when he does the bulk of his own diabetes care.  Very proud momma...aka the other half of my son's external pancreas :)

A Grumbly Teen Day

I think I have seen the first signs of "I hate diabetes" from my son in a very long time. When he was first diagnosed, the new life of testing, injecting and specific eating was foreign to him and he rebelled by throwing up and refusing to eat.  It was his way of gaining control at two years old.
My son is much older now. He has lived with this disease for most of his life.  He has been great all things considered. He has done what he must for the most part. He has tried to ignore it as often as possible but he knows that he has his mother to rely on for help.  He tries to be just a normal kid who does not like to draw attention to himself or diabetes.
Recently his report card came home with less than stellar remarks. The marks were varied but most were not up to his standard.  The comments were not at all what I expected of my son.  I was terribly disappointed. He knew he had to do better. He had messed up. The discussion was very emotional for both of us. 
I reminded him that a full-time career in a dead-end job was not just beneath his potential but harmful to his health. He needed to focus on getting a good job that will allow him look after his health care needs.  Diabetes would partially dictate his career choices. For the first time, I think that sadly hit home. He was not happy.

Teen attitude...this picture really captures it!

Our latest diabetes clinic appointment occurred the day after the report card mayhem.  At the clinic he was very surly and not at all like himself.  We hate the long wait times and he was miserable.  While he was polite when they asked him questions, when we were alone he was seething. Any class in school was better than sitting and waiting. Going back to injections was preferable to seeing his team every quarter. How long did he have to do this for? A lifetime? That was insane.  He was having no part of this.
My heart broke. How do I help? How do I fix the attitude? Will it pass? Is this just a phase? What will happen later in life when he is fed up like this? Will he quit and negate his health? I have to believe not. I have to believe that he will fuss and complain but the results of non-compliance on his body will put him back on the straight and narrow.

I never liked adolescence when I went through it. I dreaded it when my oldest son began his journey and it has not improved for my youngest son. I know we will survive, but oh the bumps and bruises we may have along the way!

Adolescence and change

It is that time of year again, a time when I seriously start to think about a CGM for my son. I have been researching them for years. Cost has always been a huge deterrent but I have said that when he became more independent and before university it would be a must.

Today I spoke a bit with his diabetes team about the various systems. We were in agreement as to which system would work best...the one that I can't get right now of course.

As adamant as I am about getting a system, my son is equally as adamant about not having one. He detests the idea of another site. He cannot stand the idea of carrying around the receiver. He would prefer to carry his meter and test when he feels he needs it.

I tried to tell him that he could safely miss more tests with a sensor.  I would still have data and trends that could be used.  I would be able to rest at nights with the knowledge that he is stable or his readings are headed up from a lower range.  He would not necessarily have to test in front of his friends. He still wants no part of it.

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to convince him that it can work. Using it may be the best solution but it is not something that anyone has laying around for me to try him with. He is of an age when he can have a say and it kills me. I appreciate the independence but the stubborn "I will not try anything new. I am still alive with the old way."  attitude kills me.

What hurts me even more is when I read stories like I saw today.  The tale of young Matthew Calderon.  He was diagnosed at age 2 just like my son.  He played basketball and after a night of play, had a seizure and died.  In other words, he went low and never recovered. 

I try not to read these stories. I cannot think that this could be my child but I also know that technology can help to save lives. It is not perfect. It can fail but it can also help.  It can only help if it is used. It can only be used if you can afford it. If you can afford it, it can still only be effective if you wear it. 

I desperately want my son to wear it. I want him to appreciate the benefit. I want to change his stubborn attitude. It scares me for the future. I pray that this is disgruntled adolescence after a week that did not go his way.  I pray that he will be open to keeping himself as healthy as he possibly can.  

Growing up, independence and Mother's fears.

Time moves so quickly. It can feel so slow when you ask your son for the twentieth time if he has changed his site and he hasn't.  You wonder if it will ever change. Will he ever get it? Will he remember to test? He will not live with me forever no matter what.  How will he continue? Will any of it sink in? How will he handle things? What will he do when he needs a break?

I am a worrier and the thoughts going through my head lately will soon drive me over the edge if I am not careful.  Preparing for my oldest son's graduation from high school and realizing that he is on the verge of manhood, is sending my mind reeling.  My children are growing up! Have I prepared them well enough? What else can I do for my youngest? How will I handle their independence? It will not be easy but I suppose I will adjust.

When I look at my son's log book I wonder. When I see how well he pays attention to site change reminders...five days later, fear takes over.  How will he handle this for the rest of his life?

I then listen to him react as I ask "Where are the tests? Why did you not test for this food? Why did you not check after that low?".  My questions are no longer asked in panic mode.  I no longer ask in that hysterical, meltdown voice.  I simply ask the questions and wait. 

His answers are now more interesting. "Mom, my new year's resolution is to test more. I can't believe that I am missing these tests. I can't do that. I have to do better. I will definitely be working on this."

I know, you are thinking, yes he is saying everything he feels that I want to hear. You may be right but I have also watched the actions. I no longer "freak out" as often over his care mistakes.  I think a lot. I wonder what else I can do but I give him facts. We look at trends together and decide what needs to be done.

"Why where you high? Oh you made a bolus mistake. No problem. Now you know for next time." 
"Where did that low come from? Right! Exercise, okay we will work on that one but where is the retest? Oh there it is."

He is learning. The process is so painfully slow that I still fear him leaving my house.  The rational part of me says that I allow him to do a lot of his care without my hovering now.  He is left to go places and must face the world on his own.  He comes back alive and well. We still have another three plus years at least to learn, stumble, fall and brush off his knees. He has learned a lot in the past few years, he will continue to learn. We will be okay...I pray!

Muscle Mayhem

After 24 hours of nagging and the threat of using a butt site for the first time in his life, my son finally did a site change.  I was lining up the top of his little toosh but he was not having any of that! The arm that he couldn't reach was to be the site of the day.

His reading a few hours later was a little higher than I would have liked but I attributed it a carb counting error.  I went to bed and around midnight I heard him get up to use the washroom.  Much to Larry's amazement, my son never needs to get up during the night...unless he is high.  Alarm bells screamed in my head while my body craved the warmth of the of my blankets.  I forced myself to get up and waited for him in his room.

I asked him to test.  I heard him say that he was 13 (235).  Oh well, false alarm. As I headed out his bedroom door but paused and  I said again, "13.1 right?"

"No 30.4(547)"

WHAT THE #!@^??????

Suddenly I was awake.  Its time to put in a new site NOW. 

I stumbled around and found a site.  As I opened it up, we realized that the tubing was way too short for his other arm.  Crap.  I grabbed another site.  I prepared the new site and had another revelation...I should be using 30 degree sites on his arms.

As I mentioned before, my son enjoys lifting weights in his spare time. He is not into body building but his sweet little arms are slowly developing into the muscled limbs of a healthy young man.  Baby fat is giving way to muscle and that muscle is creating havoc with infusion sets! He hates the 30 degree sets. The insertion needle gives him the willies.  He has to use them on his stomach because there is too much muscle there but he still hates them. Sadly it seems that that's the price you pay for being fit. I am sure he will think its worth it in the long run.