Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Prayers for "Our Diabetic Life"

Normally I would take today to complain...actually I have a list of complaints, I mean topics that I planned to ramble on about this week.  That changed yesterday when I read about a family who have amazed me since I first learned of them.

I don't get the chance to read as many other blogs as I would like but I heard about a woman who had not just two boys like I have, but had FOUR and somehow was still functioning.  I also learned that she had not just one child with diabetes, no not even just two children with diabetes but that three of her four sons had Type 1 Diabetes. In my mind this lady just went from amazing to superwoman! I have read her blogs and been amazed by her courage and her honesty. 

I also belong to the Diabetes Advocates and have been able to see first hand this woman's amazing spirit and giving nature.  She has been there with opinions and words of encouragement on many issues.

Meri has been very public about her love affair with her husband.  It came as a huge surprise to read that he was now undergoing a serious health crisis.  Having previously battled a bout of cancer, he is now facing it again on a much more terrifying level.  In Meri's words, " is back in the form of 6 brain tumors, and multiple tumors in his lungs and abdomen. Metastasized melanoma. It's pretty much the worst kind of cancer there is."

I have never "met" this woman. I have never met her family.  I have read of their courage. I have laughed at their coping skills. I am stunned at this latest revelation.  There is little that we, the outside world can do but offer our words of support. 

The family has also made one other request--prayer. No matter what your faith, no matter what you believe in, please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers.  Send them "positive energy", "healing vibes" and your support.  On Sunday March 4th, they also ask you to join them in a prayer circle to pray for a miracle for Ryan, father to four, best friend and husband to Meri.

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Full Meal Deal

"Isn't today the day that you need to change your site?"

"I don't think so."

"Let me see your pump. I am sure that you are due for a site change. If not today then you are overdue."

Begrudgingly, my son handed me over his pump. The first thing I noticed was that his battery was stating that it was dying and almost dead. "You need to change your now. Its on its last legs and I was right! Your site change is today.  Get the stuff out and get the site changed."

My son grumbles and heads out of his room. 

"What are you doing?"

"I need to get some insulin."

"Holy cow, you are going for the full meal deal tonight! You have a dead battery, no insulin and a dead site!"

I"ts not a dead site. The site is fine."

"Its due to be changed its a dead site.  Time for a clean slate!"

Soon we had everything new but sadly he was still high during the night. Can't win them all with Diabetes in the house!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

A Glimpse inside the life of a Teen with Diabetes

The other morning, I woke up, had my usual Chai Latte and headed down into my office to begin my daily computer ritual.  I opened my email program, signed into Facebook and checked to see what had been happening in the world since I shut things down the night before. I love to scroll through and read about my many family and friends as well as enjoy the great new pictures that they may have posted while I slept.

On this fateful morning, I came across a post by a teenage friend. I have a number of "friends" who are children that I have known all of their lives or  are the children of good friends.  Its always interesting to see what they post--good or bad.  This young person and the person's friends almost brought me to tears. I was so proud of what they had to say to each other. I was so impressed and given so much hope by what I read that I had to write about their story.

The poster was disappointed in their own diabetes care.  They felt that they had neglected their health over the past week and diabetes had really kicked their butt. They had been running high and knew that it was bad for their body. This person was very upset with their actions--or lack of. 

Quickly friends chimed in words of support and encouragement.  They understood. They had been there as well. They began to encourage each other. All members of this conversation stated that tomorrow was a new day and they would all work harder to keep themselves healthy.  They understood each other. They "got it" in a way that no one else could.

I was so very proud of these young people.  They are mature beyond their years. I know their parents. I know that, like me, some of their parents have struggled wondering if their children will "get it".  They fear that their child will never take responsibility for their diabetes--that they don't understand  the seriousness of the disease or that they just don't want to learn. It appears that we are very wrong.  

Even as I write about them, there are tears in my eyes.  These young people with diabetes have a maturity that is not often seen in their peers.  They are quirky and amazing young people.  Their smiles light up a room but they carry a heavy burden.  As parents we fear that burden but it appears that thanks to social media, they can share that burden with like individuals and become stronger because of it.

These are not my children but I feel truly privileged to "know" such amazing, strong, and empathetic young adults.  Many people refer to children with diabetes as their heroes.  These young people truly are heroes.  You are amazing! Thank you for sharing in a way that we as parents can begin to understand. 

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Quid Pro Quo

"Did you remember all of your readings yesterday?"

"Well, see, it was like this...I forgot my morning test."

"Did you have your meter in your pocket?"


"You said that you always remember when you have your meter in your pocket."

"Well, this time I forgot.  Did you text me today?"

"No I was busy with a lot of other things going on and didn't get the chance."

"Well, if you don't remember to text me, how can you expect me to remember to test?"

Quid pro quo...and Mom loses the battle. He later admitted however that he rarely pays attention to my text messages until hours after the fact but if Mom couldn't remember to text then how could I expect the son to remember all of his bg tests? I hate it when my children use logic on me that I have to agree with. I did text him the next excuse he cannot use this time!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Another Baby Step Forward

"At lunch I have a sandwich and two juice boxes. If I bolus the right amount I go low so I have been bolusing for only one juice box and it works out fine."

Wow, I was stunned. My son had worked this out on his own! He may be forgetting to test and frustrating the crap out of me but when I least expect it he completely amazes me with his diabetes care!

"Grab a pen, a piece of paper and a calculator.  Let's figure out what your carb to insulin ratio for lunch really should be." I told him.

I had my child scroll through his pump and find out exactly how much insulin he gets when he under boluses.  We figured out how many carbs he really was eating and came up with his new lunch time ratio.  I then made him pull out his pump, go into the settings and make the change. His old ratio was way different from the one that he was using by not bolusing a juice box.  It obviously needed to be changed.

Today is the first day with changes initiated and made by my son.  I am curious to see how he does and proud as well. Despite my fears, and there are still so very many, he does pay some attention. He is learning a little bit at a time. There is some hope! I can breathe again...well for today anyway.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Fears of a D-Momma

I was talking to my mother the other day about my youngest son's lapses in memory concerning his diabetes care.  She told me that I was just worried because he will soon be an adult and I will lose all control. He will be on his own.

I laughed at her. I am not worried, I am downright terrified! I am not sure if the terror is magnified because my oldest son is now days away from being 18 and is currently planning his future with little input from Mom.  Knowing that the first child has reached this stage means that the second one is only a few years behind in doing the same thing but the second child has a bit more baggage to consider. 

I know in my head how much my youngest son has learned over the past few years. I see some small changes.  I know that he will learn at his own pace and he will surprise me when need be.  I also know that he will be a young man one day. He will drink. He will most likely do his best to ignore his diabetes.  He has already stated that he would rather go back on injections than have to continue to visit a doctor on a regular basis to have prescriptions refilled. (I told him that he still had to go back once a year either way.  He was not happy.)

He will most likely move to an area where I am not two minutes away.  He sleeps through his lows.  He answers his phone only when he feels like it.  He has no interest in a CGM and I am not sure if I will be able to convince him of its benefits before he goes off on his own.

Its not just about control...being able to tell him to test or to bolus.  Its also about complications.  Its about not waking from a low. Its about not telling people around you about your diabetes and getting into trouble with no one to know the difference. Its the fact that he doesn't wear his Medic Alert bracelet or necklace unless I tie it to him.  The list goes on and my terror grows.

I can't dwell on any of it.  It is still a number of years away.  I can only hope for the best. I must prepare myself to accept a happy medium and teach, teach, teach without coming across as preach, preach, preach.  Let's hope that there is enough wine and hair dye in the world to get me through! Why do I want a cure? To save myself from myself and this list of fears!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Its like the dog's breakfast

Out of nowhere my son turned to me and said, "You know Mom, if I had to explain to someone what it felt like to be high or low all I would have to do is tell them to watch Suzie and Sweedums eat breakfast.  Suzie is what its like to be low and Sweedums is what its like to be high."

I stopped and looked at him. I was amazed.  It was a great analogy!

Besides being black versus white, our dogs are extremely different when it comes to food--especially first thing in the morning. Suzie cannot get enough food into her fast enough. To watch her eat, you would swear that she had not been fed in weeks.  She swallows a mouth full of food as fast as she can. Before you turn around, her entire bowl is gone and she is looking for more.

Sweedums is completely different.  She looks at her food. She sniffs her food. She takes one morsel and chews.  She repeats the entire process from sniff to chew for each piece of food in her dish--one piece at a time.  You have time to make breakfast, eat breakfast and clean up before she is finished her small bowl of food.

Now if we could just publish pictures of the dogs everywhere for young children with diabetes.  "Timmy do you feel like Suzie or Sweedums today?" What a great way to learn...okay only in our strange little piece of the world but I still really love and appreciate the analogy!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

High? Low? or good to go?

The air was crisp.  The sun was shining. I was enjoying my skidoo ride with my son as my driver.  I can drive if I must but I much prefer taking in the sights and being a passenger.

As we drove, my son was chatting, singing and carrying on. He was obviously enjoying being on a machine for the first time this winter and cruising through the country.  Suddenly I realized that he hadn't said anything in a bit.  While I was taking in the scenery, he had gone quiet.  He wasn't bobbing his head around.  He just drove.

My heart stopped. I began to panic.  I had forgotten that diabetes was with us for a short period of time. I had glucose in my pocket and the glucagon kit was tucked away in my pants. That was not going to help me if my driver was low!

I yelled out over the sound of the skidoo, "High? Low? Or good to go?"

My son looked back at me over his shoulder like I was insane. After a brief glare, he replied "I am fine". 

Phew! I know that he is good at knowing his body. I know that he is a great driver.  I still had that moment of panic.  That "what if" that quickly consumes your mind and you visualize going head first into a tree because your driver has passed out at the handle bars before you realized what was happening.

The day continued into the evening. Diabetes behaved and eventually I put my imagination back on a leash and continued to enjoy life as a passenger.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Slides are not always fun

I have been trying to give my son space.  My boys are growing up and I have to step back and allow them to fall on their own at times.  I think that is the hardest part of being a parent thus far.  The older they get, the less I can stop them from doing things that could harm them. I have to sit back and be ready to wipe their knees and help them back up again.  Diabetes is no exception.

For almost 12 years, I have preached about testing, bolusing, counting carbs, carrying meters, carrying glucose and the list goes on. Now that my son is a teen, its important that he start doing many of these things on his own. It is also important that I don't drone on and on so that he completely tunes me out. Finding that balance is hell!

Now that he is more self-sufficient, I don't think as much about two hour after tests. I go to bed knowing that he will test and if he is not in what we have established as a "good" range, he will either get me up or handle it himself.  I know that he always has his kit with him. I know that he usually has glucose somewhere in a pocket. 

Being a teen, he can take advantage of that trust...and does.  Last night I went through his meter. I knew that we were having a few issues with lows so I had let things go for a few days to see if there was a pattern or if it was human error.  As I sat down with meter and paper, I found huge lapses in readings. I really didn't know what to do.

The lapses were during the day.  They were sometimes while he was with me. More often, they were while he was at school or with friends. My son is terribly private.  I think he is dangerously private when it comes to diabetes. He doesn't want his friends to really "see" his diabetes.  He carries his meter but he leaves it in his pocket. He is great at detecting when he is out of range so he uses his internal compass to keep him out of trouble. At night, when he knows he will not wake up from a low, he makes sure that all tests are done.

I was proud of myself. I didn't yell when I saw blank spaces of up to 10 hours with no readings. I wanted to scream but I also wanted to cry. I was failing. I was being too lax. I laid out some new ground rules for the next little while. He will do all of his tests at school. No exceptions. No excuses. He will text me those readings for the next week. I will text him to remind him (in case his pump is not enough of a reminder).  If he fails to do this, he will lose all online privileges including his xBox. 

I then told him that testing takes about 10 seconds total.  It can be done quietly by heading into the washroom or sliding it out at his desk. He does not need to draw attention to himself. He can stay private but he MUST test. He is putting himself in danger. I told him that quietly testing himself will not draw nearly the attention that throwing up from being high or passing out from being low will. Those are big time attention getter's. If he wants to avoid them happening in front of his friends then he must test.

I left it at that. I was sad. I was ashamed. How could I let him go so long with no tests? Because I believed him when he said he tested. I trusted that testing when he got up was routine. 

I give him breaks in his care. I test for him. I bolus for him. I help him with carbs. I remind him.  I back off and let him remember. I do not ask a reading before asking him how his day went.

Its a struggle.  I know we are moving forward. I acknowledged how much I appreciate that he is bolusing. I told him that remembering to test before bed was super important and I was so glad that he was doing that. 

He is now in class for the day. I have texted him asking for his reading. He hasn't replied.  I am hoping it will happen by their first break. I hate one step forward and then sliding back. I know...its called parenthood. I have to be glad that there is forward movement but... AAAAAAHHHHHHH!! Okay I feel better! Today is a fresh new day.
I Googled "fear of slides" and this image popped up!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Enjoying the outdoors...with diabetes!

Getting ready for a day on the snow...

Sled is on the trailer--check
Helmets are in the truck--check
Gloves are packed--check
Warm hats for under the helmets--check
Long underwear--check
Woolie socks--check
Good boots--check

Now for the pockets...
Lip balm--check
Cash just in case--check
Cell phone--check
Turned off the data so you don't kill the battery searching for Internet--check
Glucose tablets--check
Syringe in case the pump dies--check
Hand cleaner--check

I was so busy filling my pockets with things that I did forget a scarf for my neck. Thankfully it wasn't too cold so my coat and three shirts kept me warm.

And so we headed out for a day on the snow...with diabetes coming along for the ride of course!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Disability Tax Credit 101

Its that time of the year again, the time when the tax man comes to call and we scurry to find any way to hang onto our hard earned dollars that we can. This is also the time of year when I find myself inundated with many questions regarding the Disability Tax Credit (DTC).

I am not an accountant. I am not a lawyer. I am a mother who has been dealing with this issue since the beginning of time (or at least early 2000).  Back then, the DTC was given to some people with diabetes and denied to others. Eventually it was given to those using insulin pumps but not those on injections. Finally after a long battle, a lot of letters and presentations, this ruling was changed and the discrimination faced by people living with diabetes was removed.

The Disability Tax Credit (DTC) is given to people who are unable to perform the "basic acts of daily living" OR who require life sustaining therapy. While the argument as been made that people with diabetes are not able to perform the basic acts of daily living, the real case has been made that they require life sustaining therapy.  If they do not take insulin they die. Its very simple.

So what is the tax credit and why do you want it? Well it gets you money back on your taxes! Again, I am not an accountant but I think of it as my own extra RRSP or spouse to deduct off of my taxable income.  If you pay in any income tax, you will see a bit more money coming back to you.

If you have no income or very little income, this credit may still be important for you. It may reduce your income to the point that you now qualify for the GST. If you have a child with diabetes, it will mean that he/she now qualifies for a disabled child benefit which adds approximately another $100 to your monthly CTB.
There are still many questions from people who are not sure if they qualify. I will attempt to answer a few of them to the best of my limited abilities....

1.  The Disability Tax Credit? I am not disabled! I don't want my child labelled this way either.  You are not claiming that you or your loved on is "disabled".  By applying for this credit, you are stating that you or your loved one requires "life sustaining therapy" to stay alive. As I have said, no insulin equals no life.

2. Children under 14 who have been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes qualify for the tax credit.  It is that simple. The time spent on care by the child and parent is felt to easily total over 14 hours. A signature from your doctor regarding diagnosis will entitle you to the credit.  While reducing your taxable income, this credit will also entitle you to the Disable Child Tax Benefit as well as the CTB you may already be receiving.

3. My son is 16.  Does he still qualify? Yes, he does.  If he has any developmental issues, this definitely means he qualifies and it should be noted on the T2201.  If he does not have developmental issues, but he still tests regularly, injects or boluses and intensively manages his diabetes care, then he still requires life sustaining therapy and meets the time requirements.

4. But I have Type 2 diabetes. Do I qualify? This one is a little trickier.  If you are no longer producing any insulin and must take insulin injections multiple times per day or use an insulin pump, then you may qualify for the DTC. If your diabetes is still managed through diet, exercise or pills, you will not qualify.

5. I don't know what type of diabetes I have but I have been using needles for the past 10 years.  Again, as long as you are using multiple daily injections, logging, and testing, you most likely will qualify for the DTC.

6. I was told that you can't count recovery from lows.  That is right. You can't but CRA does recognize that you can make errors in your care.  I have a lengthy list of how time is calculated in accordance to CRA guidelines. If you feel that you do these things, then you should easily qualify for the DTC.

Your doctor must be very aware of what qualifies as therapy and how you manage your time.  Your doctor now is your key to approval. If he or she understands the time you invest in keeping yourself healthy and tells CRA that, then you will get your tax credit.

7. What is the  Disability Tax Credit and why do I care about getting it? Again, it is a credit that gets you money back on your taxes! I am not an accountant but I have come to think of it as my own extra RRSP or spouse to deduct.  This is an amount that comes off of your taxable income before anything else.  If you pay in any income tax, you will see more money coming back to you.
Even if you have no income or very little income, this credit can still be important for you. It may reduce your income to the point that you now qualify for the GST.  If you have a child with diabetes, remember that  it will mean that he/she now qualifies for a disabled child benefit which adds approximately another $100 to your monthly CTB.

8. How long does the DTC last? It depends on the person processing your file. Yes, its that arbitrary.  I have heard of families with two people diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes who both applied for the DTC

The Disability Tax Credit  is a tax credit that you receive because you put so much work into keeping yourself of your loved one alive.  Life sustaining therapy is a real part of diabetes.  Injecting, bolusing, testing, calculating is all part and parcel of what keeps us or our loved ones alive. These are not tasks that someone without diabetes has to perform.
If you have any further questions ask your diabetes team, your accountant or contact me and I will do what I can to point you in the right direction.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

That's a lot of insulin!

"Twenty-nine units! Wow! That's a lot of insulin."

"Its what your body needs for what you ate.  If you are worried that its too much, you will find out when you test in a few hours."

This was our conversation after breakfast the other morning. My son had had his usual stack of pancakes. His carb to insulin ratio in the early morning hours is something like one unit of insulin for every 5 grams of carbohydrates, so 100 grams of pancakes equals a LOT of insulin.

I never heard any complaints when he came home later that day suggesting that there was an error or he was low.  I think he just realized that he uses way more insulin than he once did. He also eats WAY more food than he once did!

He is a teen. He began this journey when he was a toddler.  Way back in time, he would not use 29 units of insulin in a day.  When we first began pumping, I would fill his pump to about 150 units and still throw out insulin after a week. 

I remember when his basal rates moved from .1 unit per hour to .5 and then 1.0 units.  I was terrified. I had to keep reminding myself that this is what his body needs. If he had an internal pancreas, it would be pumping out gallons of insulin as well, its just that I would not have the visual to go with it.

As he grew, his carb to insulin ratios were no longer 1:40 or even 1:20.  He now sees ratios of 1:5 to 1:15.  Insulin sensitivity is not even a consideration any more but thankfully insulin resistance has not become as much of a problem as it could have been either.

When my son first began to see major changes in his insulin needs, I spoke up to friends and said I was concerned.  A wonderful woman who lives with diabetes laughed at me and reminded me that my son was no longer two.  He was becoming a man and that journey would be filled with many more empty insulin vials before we were through!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

It was the stress

Last night we were sitting around in the living room enjoying a movie and a few laughs.  My son pulled out his meter to test. He was relatively high and began to scroll through his meter. He soon realized that besides tagging if the reading was before or after a meal, you could also say that you were ill, exercising or stressed.

He looked at me and said "I'm 16.9 (305). I think it was the stress that did it."

"Stress?? We are watching a movie and you are sitting on the couch.  What stress? You have no stress."

"No. I'm positive that I am high because of stress. Look right here. See below the reading? Its says "stress".  The high must has occurred because of stress!" 

Ugh! Yes, this is what I have to deal with but it does not end there. This morning he woke up and again was running a little high.  He again told me that it was because of stress. I suggested it was because he didn't change his site the night before. Again, he swore that it was stress.

I suggested that he needed to go outside and shovel out the backdoor which was snowed in.  He said that he couldn't.  Snow makes him low and being stressed already he really shouldn't do anything that would add further stress to his body. I reminded him that exercise was a great form of stress relief and it would also help to lower his high bg level. 

Unable to win this battle, he changed the site and then shoveled out our backdoor.

Teens and gadgets...they can be a dangerous combination for parents' stress levels! I will however give him a A for creativity.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Confessions of a D-Momma

At the beginning of the year I posted about people living with diabetes and depression and/or burnout.  As parents, we ache for our children going through this each day and do our best to relieve some of their burden. Many parents go through a depression or period of mourning at diagnosis but I wonder how many feel that they may have developed depression in part because of diabetes moving into their homes?

When my son was diagnosed, it took me months before I sat and cried.  Initially I was so happy that he was alive that I didn't think beyond that.  As he grew stronger, my focus was on learning and the fear of "what if".  After months of testing and injecting, it hit me one night...I would never make him better. I would continue this routine until he would do it himself but he would not be cured. I sat alone in the dark and cried.

I moved on after that. I took control where I could because diabetes had left other parts of our lives so out of control. I found an amazing online support group.  I met some local people who became friends.  They understood my life and it made me feel less alone. I plowed through and worked on a variety of issues. I tackled the federal government and had them change the Disability Tax Credit, making it more fair for people with diabetes. I joined groups and committees. I advocated for change in a variety of areas. I organized diabetes walks, created a website and eventually began this blog.

Despite all of these great things and the encouragement of many, I always had a sense that I was not doing enough. I was inadequate. Change was slow.  Rewards were gifts to the heart.  Because most of what I did was volunteer, there was very little, if any, financial reward. Money is what makes the world go around and if you have no financial worth then what is your value? People would tell me that I should "get a life".  I should "get over it". I needed to "get a real job".
In my heart, I know my value. I know what I have done as a parent, a mother and an advocate are very important. These comments still haunt me however. They still make me wonder.  I know the good things that I have done and continue to do. I see my son's A1c when he is with me and I know that I am important to his health. I know the real value of that gift  When I begin to forget my worth, I often receive amazing emails and comments that truly light up my day. The value of these comments and the friendships I have made are well beyond a financial measure to me. 

And yet there are some days this knowledge is still not enough to see me through to the next day. The demons, the comments, the fears, the exhaustion--they are all there in the back of my head.  They lurk, telling me that I am not good enough--as a pancreas, as a parent, as a person.  The depression takes over. A black cloud hovers overhead.

Its a cloud that I cannot quite seem to easily escape. I look at myself and ask, what gives? I have a lot of blessings in my life. I have a lot to be thankful for. What is my problem?

I wish I knew. I have to fix it. I have seen many victories from many battles over the years--both personal and in the diabetes world. I should be happy with my successes. I should not be sad, depressed, blue, fearful or lack any self-worth. Perhaps its a shift that I need to make within me--to focus on the positive and push back the depression and feelings of inadequacy.   
Diabetes has taken over a lot of our lives. It has brought many changes and has brought me many blessings.  It has changed me. It has enhanced me.  It seems to have also brought a friend called depression but I won't let it win any more than I will let diabetes win.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I should have run over a meter

Last week was a bit of a muddle. I injured my foot and spent most of the week sitting on the couch going crazy. I hate being laid up but my foot was not happy if I used it.  As I sat, self-absorbed and frustrated, I really did not pay a lot of attention to diabetes.

I yelled out the normal "Did you test?".  I asked what he bolused and helped to calculate meals. I hobbled out of bed each night to test. I failed at Reading Review Thursday and swore we would do it the next night, and the next night, and so on.  I didn't keep track of when the next site change was due and sadly trusted my 14 year old to actually pay attention to the alert on his pump. Yes, I majorly failed as a parent of a child with diabetes and diabetes got its revenge.

I finally looked at my son's pump after a bolus and decided to check when the next site change was due.  My son quickly grabbed his pump back and attempted to escape my limited grasp.  I somehow hauled him back and reviewed the screens.  The site change was FOUR days over due! I could not breathe. I wanted to beat him with his tubing. What was he thinking? Or not thinking? What the heck was I going to do to get him to remember?? 

I told him to change his site NOW! No games, no chats, no text. March his butt in his room and change that site before I put one in his tush! I was doing my best to breathe and allow him to live another day.  He had been high for the past few I knew why.  

I kicked myself.  I should not have allowed things to slide.  I should have been on top of things. I have been slack on a lot lately.  I had to pull myself together! The next thing was to review the readings. 

I had him bring out his meters and a sheet of paper. We were going to get down to brass tacks and review things. 

"Mom, we really can't make a lot of changes.  My site was really old so the readings won't be accurate."

Thanks! I needed to be reminded of how we failed! I told him that I wanted to check things anyway. I looked at the first meter. It was his USB one.  This meter is still so neat but I couldn't remember how we reviewed readings without sticking it into a computer. Finally we figured it out and I began my review.  I loved the highlighted highs and lows.  The readings were everywhere but the display was so cool that I was oblivious to much else. 

Next I moved onto the school meter. There were no readings. None. Nothing. Was he using a different meter? He brought out a second one. It had a few readings but something was seriously wrong. He swore he tested. I checked the dates on the meters.  We have a real issue with One touch Mini's changing the date and time.  I know that they are supposed to be the most accurate meter on the market but this problem drives me insane. 

The meter was by years! It had the time as two hours later than it should be, the year was 2010 and the dates was October.  How the heck was I supposed to go back and figure out what he really was and when? He had missed tests so I could not really even take three tests each day and guesstimate.  I was frustrated. 

We made a small change and I told him we were going to have to be way more on top of this. He had to test at school.  We had a problem but I couldn't solve it without the data of those tests.  

As he left, I wanted to scream at myself. How could I be so slack? He is only 14 and he is a teen. He forgets. He gets lazy.  If I was on top of this days ago, I would have information and would have known that the meters were off.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to yell. I should have run over a meter. That just may have helped. 

Instead, I promised myself that today will be better. I have circled his next site change on the calendar. I will try to be more proactive. I will work harder to be a better pancreas guide.  I have to. We aren't allowed to quit.