I was talking to my mother the other day about my youngest son's lapses in memory concerning his diabetes care. She told me that I was just worried because he will soon be an adult and I will lose all control. He will be on his own.
I laughed at her. I am not worried, I am downright terrified! I am not sure if the terror is magnified because my oldest son is now days away from being 18 and is currently planning his future with little input from Mom. Knowing that the first child has reached this stage means that the second one is only a few years behind in doing the same thing but the second child has a bit more baggage to consider.
I know in my head how much my youngest son has learned over the past few years. I see some small changes. I know that he will learn at his own pace and he will surprise me when need be. I also know that he will be a young man one day. He will drink. He will most likely do his best to ignore his diabetes. He has already stated that he would rather go back on injections than have to continue to visit a doctor on a regular basis to have prescriptions refilled. (I told him that he still had to go back once a year either way. He was not happy.)
He will most likely move to an area where I am not two minutes away. He sleeps through his lows. He answers his phone only when he feels like it. He has no interest in a CGM and I am not sure if I will be able to convince him of its benefits before he goes off on his own.
Its not just about control...being able to tell him to test or to bolus. Its also about complications. Its about not waking from a low. Its about not telling people around you about your diabetes and getting into trouble with no one to know the difference. Its the fact that he doesn't wear his Medic Alert bracelet or necklace unless I tie it to him. The list goes on and my terror grows.
I can't dwell on any of it. It is still a number of years away. I can only hope for the best. I must prepare myself to accept a happy medium and teach, teach, teach without coming across as preach, preach, preach. Let's hope that there is enough wine and hair dye in the world to get me through! Why do I want a cure? To save myself from myself and this list of fears!