It is the end of diabetes blog week already and I met the challenge! It was interesting and fun. It was great to check out so many different perspectives. Now we are down to our last topic...pretending that a cure has been found and my son no longer has diabetes.
In all honesty, this is probably the hardest topic for me. I do not allow myself to dream of a cure. I spend my time and energy focused on today and trying to provide the best care to my son. I feel its vital for him to be healthy and live a long, long life. I don't tend to allow myself the luxury of such a wonderful dream.
On the other hand, my son definitely does dream of a cure. Years ago when he was first put on a pump he was adamant that he would not use a pump. In his five year old mind, if he got a pump then he would not be allowed to have a cure when it was found. Thankfully we were able to set him straight. He then decided that when the time came, he would put his old “Lean Green Pumping Machine” in a nice case on the fireplace and remember “back when...”
He dreams of a time when the calluses on his hands can fade. He imagines a time when running outside does not mean testing before you go and making sure that there is glucose in your pockets. He dreams of the day when Mom doesn’t say “Wash your hands and test!” before every meal. He dreams of a day when he can throw out his log book and put his collection of glucometers in a drawer with his collection of Hot Wheels cars.
He will most likely still know the amount of carbs in every meal. He will want to pull out that pump and bolus because years of Mom drilling it into have finally become habit. He will look at the scars on his arms and legs from years of site changes and remember the cool colors that used to line his legs. He will be happy to no longer need to use Mastisol so that sites don’t fall off with his sweat when playing. He will enjoy a wrestle without worrying about pulling out a site. He will enjoy not having to worry about running out of insulin while he is off at a friend’s.
My son will enjoy sleeping through the night without someone testing him. He will enjoy the peace of only having to get up through the night to use the washroom because he downed a litre of milk before bed.
Mom would enjoy that too...sleeping through the night. No longer fearing Dead in Bed each night. It is that fear that makes me long for a cure. Its that fear that lets me dream of only worrying about my son being a teen or young adult. It is that fear that makes me think about a day when my biggest fear will be him sneaking off with a girl for the night or drinking with the boys. What would that life look like? Much more like the one his older brother lives. The one with normal fears, common issues and while the consequences can be just as serious, don’t have the other factors intensifying the threat.
I will never take that dream of a cure away from my son and when I see parents lose their children of any age to diabetes, it makes me think that I should focus more on fundraising for a cure. For now though, I still focus on today. I focus on access to better equipment. I focus on keeping my son and others healthy so that if this dream can happen...well I will have nothing to do but be a mother of two healthy young men!