What was I thinking?

Yesterday I broke my own rule...the one that says "Do not look at your child's glucometer for at least 3 days after they(you) have returned from being away.  Focus on the fact that they are alive.  Enjoy telling each other what you have been up to for a few days before you look to see how well diabetes was handled without your input."

My son came home first thing in the morning after being away for five days over Easter.  We had spent a lot of the day chatting and carrying on. I had been in contact with him a lot while he was away.  I was surprised to find him texting me and carrying on conversations while he was gone.  Normally our exchanges when he is away are minimal and involve me waiting hours or even days before he replies. 

While he was away, I asked about readings.  He told me that he was running on the low side but no we didn't need to make any major changes yet.  I was okay with that. I trusted him. He was saying all of the right things.  My little boy had grown up and was finally taking care of himself.  I was happy. He was happy.

With all of this positive energy floating around, I thought what harm could it do to check his meter early? I was going to be proud to see great readings and a decent amount of testing. Wrong, wrong and WRONG!

I saw a great reading and a few other good readings. I saw a low followed by an extreme high.  The biggest problem was what I didn't see. I didn't see testing before meals.  I didn't see a lot of testing period.  At one point he went 18 hours with NO testing.  Not testing for 8+ hours while he was up was common. 

I scrolled through the readings noting time and dates.  I spoke them out loud.  I waited for excuses.  There weren't a lot.  He claimed that the high was probably because he missed a food bolus.  I suggested it was more likely the result of a low that he missed since he was low, didn't retest and went to over 28(500+) a few hours later.  He suggested that perhaps it was time to look at using a CGM.  I was calm as I told him that his behavior while he was away was not only irresponsible, it was downright dangerous. 

I left the room at that point.  Again, I was calm.  I didn't slam the door. I didn't take away privileges (he does so little that there is nothing for me to take away).  I simply left him with the knowledge that I was very disappointed.

Today, I am still disappointed but more than that, I am scared.  My son is 15.  He is in grade 10.  He will most likely have a maximum of 4 years left when he will live under my roof.  He has four years to learn to be independent. He has four years to be responsible.  His health is riding on that fact.  I hate that.  I want to be able to fix this for him but I can't. I want to be able to handle it for him but I can't. Letting go, growing up...its tough enough with my 19 year old who doesn't have diabetes.  Its worse when you throw the dreaded "D" in the mix but all we can do is hope for the best and pray!