Monday, January 28, 2013

Bloodletting is a Good Thing?

Its strange the things that go through your head at three in the morning. Perhaps its because my brain is still asleep. Maybe it thinks that I am still dreaming. I am really not sure but either way, I have had some of the strangest thoughts as I search for a finger and blood.

Last night came a reoccurring thought...how sick is this process?? I mean really! Each night, I crawl into my son's room to slice his finger and make him bleed. I actually take pleasure in injuring my son's pale skin.  I am upset when I do not see that red glow of blood flowing from him. This is what diabetes has reduced me to.  A callous parent who is pleased to see blood spill from her child!  

Its true. Blood gives me so much information. From his blood I know if his pump is delivering insulin properly.  I learn if he bolused is meal in the correct manner. I know if we miscalculated for exercise.  I know if we need more insulin, an early morning meal, or if I can sleep feeling relatively confident that he will wake up in the morning.  

I began to wonder how many other diseases are this invasive?  How many other parents take pleasure in seeing their child bleed multiple times over a 24 hour period.  How many others breathe a sigh of relief when a needle pierces the skin of their child multiple times during a day because they know that it means that they will be alive for another day. 

Diabetes is a sick disease.  I am sure that there are other diseases that require our loved ones to be abused simply to stay alive but I thankfully have not experienced them.  I have experienced filling a tiny finger with blood upwards of twelve times per day just to keep him healthy.  I have also experienced seeing a tiny body laying lifeless in Intensive Care with tubes and wires running everywhere. I have seen my strong, young son grey and weak as ketones threaten to ravage his body.  The bloodletting sadly seems justifiable but I pray that one day there will be a better way--a better way to keep him alive and healthy. 

2 comments:

  1. Yep, you're so right, it is a sick disease. George (ninjabetic.com) always says it's messed up to make ourselves bleed on purpose.

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  2. Agree. Don't we all parents wish we can take all their pain? Despite the odds, you've remained strong and amazing for him. Despite your heart bleeding in pain, you're keep doing it because you know you have to do it for him. He might not understand the pain but in time he will.

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