The Towel

The other day I was giving some serious thought to my life and more importantly to the life of the website. The recession has of course had an impact on many things. Governments are not choosing to expand pump coverage or begin new programs. Individuals are being laid off and cannot often afford the "luxury" of quality medical devices.

In my own life this has translated to less money coming into the website. The website has costs associated with its daily operations as well as the long hours that I put into it each day. I began to wonder if it was worth it. Perhaps I should look into a different way to make a living. I never created the site to make my fortune. I did it to help others but I still had to survive. I added an online store and accepted advertisers to help offset the costs and keep me afloat. Lately advertisers are having their budgets cutback and revenues are down.

I felt like I was drowning. I had been looking into getting a CGMS for Liam at the request of his doctor. I had been looking into options since March. It was September and suddenly costs were making such a piece of equipment look more and more like a dream that was not currently attainable. My income was down. Liam's father was going to be laid off for the second time in a year and asking him to cover his share was going to be difficult for him as well. I began to think that I really should be re-examining my career choice. Yes, I LOVE what I do. I LOVE helping people. I LOVE working for change but we had to live. We had to make ends meet. Maybe this was not what I was meant to do. Perhaps it was time to fade into the background.

Well those were many of the thoughts that ran through my mind yesterday. I had a dark shadow following me but it didn't last. A friend suggested I look at things in a different way. I revisited my advertising fees and made some changes. I dug out old contacts and began to look into new options. I will be going through the store and finding new items to put out there for people--new styles, new sizes that hopefully will be interesting and remain affordable. I began to feel a little better. Maybe things would get better. Maybe I could still do this...maybe.

Then I got "the" email that changed it all. "The" email that kicked me back on track. "The" email that reminded me why I do what I do. "The" email that reminded me that I do make a difference in lives and can't fade into the background yet. It was an email from a friend. Her daughter has Type 1 diabetes and she recently got around to making her application for the DTC. She had a few questions and I guided her through the process. It was no big deal and I know that the money meant a lot to her as she is another victim of the recession. She had lost her job earlier in the year, so imagine my shock when she said that she had tried to make a donation to the website. She felt it was the least she could do for what I had done for her. I am glad that this came through an email because I was stunned, shocked, and so very appreciative. Diabetes Advocacy is not a charity. Donations are not tax deductible. There are two PayPal links that allow people to "donate" to the running of the site if they choose but it is not something I have ever pushed or advertised. For her to want to give back made me realize that I can't throw in the towel. I have to keep going. Life is very good and it will only get better.

Thank you so much for reminding me of that!