Why did I listen?

I could use some toothpicks to hold up my eyelids today.  First I tossed and turned in bed.  I finally fell asleep after one this morning and woke in a panic at 4am.  I wanted to test my son a little earlier than that but it was what it was. 

I dragged myself out of bed. Despite tweaks to his basal rate he was still running high. I wondered if it was a carb counting error because he simply eyeballs his cereal rather than weighing it.  Yes, he does normally get that right but still it bugs the control freak in me.  

I input the correction into his pump and waited.  Every night for the past two nights, the pump has complained of a blockage part way through the correction. Yes, that should have been a warning to me. I should have changed the site on one of those two times but his readings were pretty good at all other times.  

Foolishly, I mentioned the issue to my son and suggested that he may want to do a site change. He told me that it was all in my head. The site was fine. The reason for the alarm was that he was sleeping on his stomach when the correction was deliverying and that was causing the occlusion alarm.  

Why did that make sense to me? I have no idea.  I guess because its was a large dose of insulin versus the normal nightly basal delivery. For some reason I was okay with his reasoning...until the third time! 

Last night I once again waited. Once again I was not to be disappointed.  His pump swore that there was still a problem. I gave up.  A site change it was.  Four in the morning, weary but out came the supplies and up popped my son in his bed wondering what I was doing! I was relieving myself of further anxiety and stress. The site was moving! 

The correction worked perfectly in the new location and he swears that all is fine this morning.  I am still not sure why I bothered to listen to his logic the first time around but live and learn I guess! 

A Thanksgiving Wish

Today is Thanksgiving Day here in Canada. Its often a day when I will reflect on the amazing things that I am actually grateful that Diabetes brought into our lives--most importantly, the wonderful friends and new family it created. 

This year is going to be different however.  This year, I am not going to talk about diabetes at all. I am going to talk about friends--one particular friend actually. I don't remember when exactly we met. My mother worked for her parents and she was most likely there one day when I stopped in for coffee.  I haven't kept in close contact over the years but she remained good friends with my mom and Mom always kept me apprised of what was going on in her life...and what a life it has been!

Cindy has battled cancer for over twenty years, been divorced and lost her oldest daughter in a tragic car accident.  She has been happily remarried, adopted lovely young girl with her husband, and won many of her constant battles with cancer.  Her determination and her humbleness is inspiring. 

My mom called me one day and said "I heard from Cindy today. Its not good. The doctors have washed their hands of her treatment and said they will make her comfortable but there is nothing else they can do."  Despite the dire prognosis, Cindy and her husband did not give up.  They found Dr. Castillo's stem cell therapy in San Diego and Tijuana and she began this new treatment.  

To date, the treatments have been effective in shrinking the cancer in one lung and halting growth in the other.  Because of the controversial nature of this radical therapy, Cindy and her family are having to cover all of the costs themselves.  Treatments cost over $100,000 and debt in their household is growing at an alarming rate.  Cindy's husband is a dentist but with Cindy's poor health and a young daughter to take care of, he is only able to work part-time. Obviously Cindy is no longer to contribute much financially at all.   

Their dedication and Cindy's incredible courage has led many of their family and friends to do all that they can to help.  Word of Cindy's plight has been featured in Calgary newspapers and on the radio. It has moved complete strangers to fund-raise on her behalf. It has led me to dedicate this Thanksgiving post to her.  

Cindy and I have resumed our contact and she recently asked me when I was going to visit her.  My eyes teared up and I was glad this question came over a text.  I replied that I had been travelling a lot this year but hopefully my trip would come soon.  I quietly prayed that she would have many more years in which I really could visit.  

In another conversation, we discussed her then upcoming fundraiser and the fact that I would do what little I could to spread the word and hopefully generate more donations for her.  She simply replied "Everyone has been so kind."  Without a thought I stated the obvious "You deserve it!"  There was a pause before she replied, "Thank you for saying that."  Again, tears came to my eyes.  She has been through so much, given so much to others and yet seemed shocked to see that people were so willing to help her and her family. 

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for all of you and I am grateful that Cindy is here with us.  I am grateful that she has this holiday to spend with her family--her mother, siblings, her husband, her son, and her youngest daughter.  I am grateful for ability to provide a small donation towards her last attempt to beat cancer--and with the financial resources Cindy is confident that she will do just that! "It is a long battle," she notes "but it will be won." 

My wish for this Thanksgiving holiday is that Cindy is able to see this battle won--for her, for her family. Please, if you can, help her to win this battle. In the diabetes community we know that living should not be about money and sadly, once again it is--in the most extreme case.  Please consider sending even $5 to help this family.  I have over 1000 followers between here, on Face book, and on Twitter.  If each person sent Cindy's family $5 that would be $5000 towards her continued treatment.  $5000 towards her seeing another Thanksgiving with her family.  Please, help me to help her. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all!    

Donations can be made via PayPal to email: iamaveghead@live.ca or

Mail Cheques or Money orders to:
Cindy Smith
Suite 1114-70 Shawville Blvd SE
Calgary, AB Canada T2Y 2Z3

Since I can't adopt you...

This summer I had the chance to sit in on a CWD Friends for Life Canada session led by Korey Hood on Diabetes Burnout. It was a great chat that once again brought out the D-Momma in me.  

I listened to adults talk about wanting a break and my heart broke. I finally spoke up and told them that I so wanted to be able to take them all home and give them that break. Sadly, I was serious! A few people were willing to take me up on my offer and asked what day they could come over. I wish my house was big enough to accommodate them although slipping into an adult's room, that was not one of my children, to test them at night may border on the creepy. 

Nonetheless, I still have that feeling--the need to protect and make life easier for people living with diabetes no matter who they are or what age.  As a result, I have been emailing daily with a young lady who was recently diagnosed.  Her struggles also touch me and make me want to adopt her--obviously I forget the frustrations that come from my own teen with diabetes during these moments! I want to help her to find her life again. 

I have been this way for a long time. It has led me to do a lot of the work that I have done in the diabetes community--the Disability Tax Credit reform, working with schools, and working with governments. I want to make it easier for others but I have struggled trying to find a place where I could make a difference to someones daily life. This past summer I found it! 

I enrolled in a course to be a Certified Life Coach Practitioner.  I was anxious and excited. Could I do this? What was I going to do? Could I really apply this to the diabetes community? Could I pass this course? The answer was a resounding YES to all of the above.  Not only could I apply it but I had finally found my passion.  

Life Coaching is about holding people accountable while they find balance in their lives.  I could now help parents to find themselves again after being swept away in the diagnosis of their child. I could help adults who struggle to find their way through weight loss goals and new restrictions because of a diagnosis of Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes.  I could help people living with diabetes to get back to living.  I could help people to move forward to find the balance in their lives. I could be a safe place for them to vent, to cry, to scream and to move forward.  I had found my calling and the energy it has created in my life is amazing! 

Since I can't adopt everyone who has diabetes living in their homes and I can't move each and every one of you into my house, I can only offer you my ear, my insight, and a safe harbor to help you find your way through the storm. If you are interested in the idea of having a Life Coach to help you through the trees and find the sunshine again, please consider contacting me.  There are many coaches out there and I may not be your fit but I am a mother who has lived with diabetes in her home for over 12 years now.  I am passionate about diabetes care and have learned from the very best people in the world--others living with this beast! I love what I do. I love helping, listening and walking with you as you journey forward in a life with diabetes not one ruled by diabetes.   

Our Prizes!

This is actually a look of pure joy, not pain. He HATES smiling for cameras.

As some of you may remember, I entered an essay contest sponsored by the Diabetes Hope Foundation earlier this past summer. In September they announced that I had won! My son had told me that since I used "his disease" the prize would have to go to him.  I said I would consider it. 

The prize package arrived yesterday and before I had the tape off of the box, he had claimed all of the contents. I reminded him that I wrote the essay! He replied, "You cannot use a meter therefore the prize pack belongs to me." 

I asked him how he figured that one? I could still use the iPod Touch.  He then explained, "The meter can only be used with the iPod.  Once again, the prize pack logically belongs to me because you cannot possibly use it to its fullest potential." 

I suggested that I could have it back when he gets his iPhone in the new year. He was not totally convinced but its the plan I am going with! So thank you so very much everyone who supported us and voted for my essay!! Thank you to Barbara Pasternak and the Diabetes Hope Foundation. I am so grateful for your amazing work, your dedication and for this great prize for our family!

No D Day...Just Me Day

I noticed a lot of blogs being posted on my news feed today were all stating the same thing..."No D Day".  I wondered what was going on and finally clicked on a link.  It declared October 1, 2012 to be a when we would not post anything about the "D" word.  As Ginger Vieira aptly pointed out that we are most than just people who live with that unwanted "D" named house guest.  Her post was great as she pointed out many great facts about herself. 

I was really late getting started with this and my brain was overflowing after an incredible weekend that I will be telling you about later so I was stuck. What could I post about? I loved Ginger's idea of little known facts about herself.  

I was driving to Dairy Queen thinking, I could mention my insane love of Dairy Queen ice cream cakes that should have led me far down the path of obesity. (Thankfully I rarely indulge myself in that treat any more...but yes, I was driving to Dairy Queen to pick one up to share of course!) That topic led me back to thoughts of the banished word so I decided that it would not be a good topic. 

I sat down to my computer and tried to think. I had a million things to get done, including this post but wait!! I had a Song Pop request! All had to wait. I had to see how much I could possibly embarrass myself.  

That was what I would post about!  I would admit to the fact that for some odd reason, I have been sucked into the Facebook game Song Pop.  It has even become a 2012 twisted version of game night in my family.  My sister, son and I sat in my father's living room, all with laptop and headphones, competing against one another and flinging a few choice words across the room. 

I check Facebook on a regular basis...just in case someone has challenged me to a game or played a round and then I find myself so involved in "listening" to the song that I forget to press the button actually saying who is singing or what they are singing. As I recover my senses, I then find myself jumping the gun on the next song trying to make up my points and time.  I virtually always mess up in my haste and go "but I knew that! What was I thinking hitting that button?" 

It took me a bit to get the hang of the game. I didn't realize that I could "shuffle" my play list choices before a game.  Sadly, when I learned this, I also did not realize that it would "cost" me each time I did this and was instantly out of "shuffles".  That fact coupled with my poor win/lose record left me having to employ a new and slightly warped game strategy.  To get new "shuffles" you actually have to have beaten someone for a full week of games.  That could be two games or it could be twenty but it had to be over a week. This past week, my oldest son who seems to be a music expert on every category of every era of music was actually losing to his mother. I was up by one game and he was the only person I was beating. I waited to play my turn...and I waited until the Song Pop clock declared another week and I had one new shuffle available to me. 

So there we have it. A strange and sadly not overly interesting fact about me that does not involve the D word. I am addicted to Song Pop, a game that I am admittedly terrible at but nonetheless driven to play. 

The Mocking Meter

It was four in the morning. I had over slept. I had wanted to check my son by three.  I had increased his basal rate to deal with reoccurring highs but he had also been doing yard work that evening and I was not sure how things were going to go in the diabetes world. 

I stumbled into his room, made my way through the landmine of dirty socks, old t-shirts and the fan he has sitting on the floor. I found the meter, strips and even a lancing devise this time. He lost one the previous night. It has yet to be found but I am sure will surface one day when I least expect it!

I tested and found that he was high.  I cursed. I felt like there was no winning.  I then looked at the meter a little closer. In the top left hand part of the screen was a little text box. It was like the meter wanted to tell me something.  We are using a Verio IQ at the moment so I know that the meter did want to tell me something. 

It had noticed the pattern of highs that he has been having overnight. At four in the morning, when you are tired and frustrated because diabetes has once again messed you (and your child) up completely...(I mean he should have been low not high after an upped basal AND physical activity), the last thing you want to see is a know-it-all blood glucose meter telling you the obvious--Diabetes kicked your butt once again! 

Looking at that small little icon, I could hear the meter say "He is high. He has been high at night for some time.  You really should up his basal rate.  This can cause problems later. What is wrong with you? Why haven't you done this already? Are you thick? I am giving you the icon.  Get with it won't you!"

I cursed a little more and left the room. Maybe I will get it right tonight...maybe but probably not. 

Why I do it

Over the past few months I have heard a lot of anxiety and stress when it comes to testing your child with diabetes' blood glucose at night. Its a topic that can divide the diabetes community and raise blood pressure faster than the mention of Halle Berry or pumping versus multiple daily injections. It can create strife among friends and cause a serious strain on marital relationships. 

I am a night tester. I have been for the past twelve plus years. I will continue to do it for as long as my son lives under my roof. When he leaves my home, ideally he will have a CGM (that he will use) that will take the place of his current CGM aka Mom. 

My son sleeps soundly at night. He has looked the most peaceful when his bg levels have been out of whack.  That terrifies me.  In recent months, he has woken up to the occasional low--much to his dismay and his mother's delight. I do not yet trust that this will happen all of the time and as one adult pointed out in The Diabetes Dad's post on this topic, there is no telling how low he was or for how long before he woke up.  

Dead in bed is a very real fear.  Its something that too many people in our diabetes community have seen first hand.  I was recently told that there are only four cases of dead in bed in the WORLD each year.  The point was made to help quell over zealous fears but I think some fear is a good thing. It gives you respect--respect for a disease that is ruthless and deceptive.  

Diabetes does not show itself in anything but bad attitudes, fatigue and occasionally nausea or thirst.  You see it when a glucometer is pulled out, when a syringe is injected or pump peaks out from a belt around someones waist.  It does not however tell you before you go to bed, "Please know that while you are sleeping peacefully well, and despite that basal adjustment you made for the yesterday's activity last night, tonight your child's insulin needs will still be low.  Since you didn't realize that and did not give him an extra snack or reduced basal rate, I will make sure that his blood glucose drops really low tonight.  You won't notice. He will be peaceful and you will sleep pretty sound after all of these nights of broken rest.  Don't worry, I will take care of things. I will deplete his liver of glycogen and this time? Well this time I will cause a seizure in his body, shaking his bed and waking the house.  You will get to him in time, take him to the hospital but none of you will take me for granted again....until the next time." 

That is not the only reason that I test at night. I test out of respect and a desire for knowledge.  Knowledge is power and if I do not test my son during the night, I have no idea about the highs and lows he may have experienced. He may go to bed and wake up in range but during those 10+ hours, he may also have been low, high and a few readings in between. I am only human. I will not catch them all but I will catch a few. I will get an idea and it will allow me to keep him healthy. 

Night testing is a family choice. In my family, I choose to do it. I am not obsessed by it. I naturally wake multiple times during the night (and did this before diabetes moved in).  When I wake, I am okay with stumbling into my son's room and testing him. Its selfish--I feel better doing it. Again, the choice is yours.  Do what works for your family but make sure your choice is an informed one.