I made my first trip to Costco as an empty nester the other week. It was a bizzare experience when you factor in so many years of living with diabetes and children.
There were the normal things..the boxes of cereal that I don't need because my boys are not here to eat it. There was the flavored water that my youngest loved to drink that I don't have to worry about buying until he comes to visit. There were also the meats that were packaged into portions for two adults to eat rather than two adults and a ravenous teen or two.
Next came the diabetes things...buying items and not worrying what the carb count was. Putting items away and not worrying about saving the nutritional information to be referred to later.
I can't say that it felt good. It felt..well a little empty. I have been shopping and cooking for a child for the past 20 years. I still chat with them each day. We still FaceTime or Skype and call but not physically seeing them each day? Not feeding them each day? Well its strange. I know my wallet will appreciate it but its a lot harder for the heart to get used to.
They will visit and old habits will quickly return. I will, and do stalk up on all of their favorite baked and bought goods for their arrival. This is just another phase of life. It just takes a bit to get used to as well.
I still wake at night. I almost long to get up and test...almost. Life changes. Children grow. Normally we have time to prepare. Sometimes we don't. Either way we go on with our new roles and make the very best of them. I continue to be there for both of my children. I continue to teach my youngest son as much as I can about diabetes and provide him with as many supports as I can. Its strange how the little things impact you.