Today, as I stood in the bathroom preparing for the day by applying make up in hopes of erasing those fine lines, I realized something. This was the month of March. Today was the 5th of March. The anniversary of my son's diagnosis with Type 1 diabetes will occur in 12 days.
Since Diabetes barged its way into our lives, March has always come in with a dark cloud. It would be lurking overhead no matter which way I turned. I would do my best to look at it in a positive light. I would "celebrate" how far we had come. I would count the wonderful friendships and experiences that it had brought into our lives. I would remember. I would look back. I would relive each detail of diagnosis again and again throughout the month.
This year, I have looked at St. Patricks' Day with my same dismay. Its not a day that I feel is filled with luck although we were lucky to save my son. Its a day of reflection but its a day , this year at least, that has seemed to be a long ways off.
I have been worried about getting my oldest son's birthday present purchased and in the mail so that he has it in time for his birthday at the end of the month. I have wondered how 18 years could have gone by so fast. Diabetes was not a thought.
I have focused on really trying to get the new, error free, neat, clean, and easier to use web site up and running. For months I have fought with code and lost data but am now more determined than ever to get the newest version of www.diabetesadvocacy.com up and running this month.
I know that as the 17th comes closer I will reflect. I know that I will relive every moment of that dreaded day. I know that my blog post for that day will look back to that day but for the first time in years, it has started to fade. It is not on my mind all month. Yes, it was a day that changed my life and the life of my family but its not as all consuming of a day as it once was.
I talk about my son taking baby steps forward in his care. Perhaps, after 12 years, his mother is finally taking baby steps towards healing as well.