Monday, January 31, 2011

Pullin' up the big girl pants...

Diabetes sucks. There I said it and it about summarizes all emotions that have occurred in the last four days.

Friday I heard about the five, count them that is F-I-V-E young ones who died because of Type 1 Diabetes.  There was a young woman who went into DKA while her parents were on vacation.  The callous reaction was to say, well she should have caught that she was high and treated. What was wrong with her? Reality--some people go into DKA very easily and the situation can quickly escalate out of control especially with no one to help you.

There was the nine year old little one who became so depressed that she took her own life.  She was nine! She was so devastated by this disease that she ended her life? Heartbreaking for those of us reading about it but the pain for the parents must be unimaginable.

As well, there was an eighteen month old baby whose diabetes was not diagnosed until it was too late. This child's life was cut down before it started.  This story hit very close to home as my own son was only one year older than this child and was within twelve hours of death himself when diagnosed.

There were two other families who lost their loved ones in the past week to this evil disease. I didn't know what to do with all of the information. I didn't cry.  I got a little angry at those people who think that I am too obsessed with diabetes and those who think that I worry over nothing when this could have been my child.  Highs and lows happen but few people really get how serious they both are.

The anger eventually faded because our own reality came pouring in.  My son was high...I mean HI and he was quietly dealing with it himself. I asked why he was drinking so much and he said it was because he was in the 30s (over 540mgdl).  I was ready to have a heart attack. All afternoon? I grabbed the meter and couldn't see past the latest reading "HI".  HOLY CRAP! Can't register????? What the......?? I quickly told him to drink water, change his site and his cartridge.  We checked for ketones. Yep, they were there.  I hate highs.  Six hours later and he was finally down to 8 (145) and I could breathe again.

Yesterday my son happened to be looking over my shoulder as I checked out my Facebook page.  "Mom why are there all of those blue candles?  You have one, Jen has one.  What's with all of the candles?"

I paused, I thought, what do I say? I have been blunt with him over the years about the seriousness of diabetes but did he need to know this? He is coming out of himself, enjoying life and taking care of himself.  I had been reminded of all of the amazing people that I knew who lived with diabetes for 20, 30, 40 and FIFTY years.  I didn't want to bring him down but I couldn't lie to him....
"They are memorial candles."
"Memorial candles?"
"What do you mean?"
"They are to remember people that have lost their lives to diabetes."

That was enough for him.  He didn't know if they had died last week or six years ago.  He was okay with things left there. I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn't cried. I had pulled up my big girl pants and focused on the living and the wonderful possibilities.  I was okay. My son was okay.

Then I read, "He Held Me".  Tears were very close. The author explained her feelings as she went low last night and had to rely on her spouse to bring her around.  My heart broke.  I hated diabetes even more.  Why did she have to go through this? Why do we have to deal with such a gamut of emotions. Can things just stop for a few minutes please? Can we experience some "normal" for even a day?  But then I remembered..."normal" is only a setting on the dryer so I guess its time once again to pull up the big girl pants and count the incredible blessings in my life rather the dwell on the sadness that can consume you. 

My son is alive. He has many wonderful role models in the diabetes community.  I have amazing friends and family who do get "it".  Accidents happen.  We are saddened but we must move on... Time to give them an extra haul.  

Friday, January 28, 2011

Diabetes doesn't care how big your bank account is

This morning I read a blog post about a woman whose perspective was shifted when she met a homeless young man who was begging for insulin. She commented on how sad it was to live in a society where a person was not begging for money for drugs or alcohol but having to beg for the life saving liquid that he required to flow through his system just to keep him alive.

A few hours after reading this, I received an email from a woman who need help funding an insulin pump.  The coverage that she was sure she had did not icover someone of her age (over 18).  She desperately needs a pump but, like so many, cannot afford to purchase it and the supplies herself. She was curious to know if I was aware of any compassionate programs that could help her out. Unfortunately I don't.

These two things brought me back to the ugly reality of diabetes--it remains a disease for the rich.  That sounds crazy because we know that diabetes does not care how big your bank account is. It really doesn't care what type of car you drive, where you work, or how much money your grandmother left you in her will. Diabetes does not care if you are young or old. Diabetes just happens and we somehow learn to live with it.

The sad reality is that some of us can live with it more easily than others. Years ago I wrote about the reality smack I received one Christmas.  I spoke with a friend who had been able to get some test strips to help a family who had a child with diabetes and no insurance coverage.  Two hundred test strips meant the world to this family and would free up $200 for them to buy gifts for their children. I had spent that amount of money on one child without a thought and without having to worry about my son having enough diabetes supplies.

I live in a place that will cover most of my son's supplies including his insulin pump until he is 25 years old.  That is something that I value because I have no insurance coverage and all of my son's pump supplies would have to be paid out of pocket if I lived in many other areas of Canada.  The fact that we are lucky to live here also presents another glaring fact, because we are not amongst those who can "afford" diabetes, we are restricted in where we live in order to have the best of care. 

If we lived in Ontario, my son would have all of his diabetes costs covered and I have heard we could even consider putting him on a Continuous Glucose System without having to cover any of the cost.  If we moved to New Brunswick, my son would have no coverage at all and if we moved to British Columbia he would have some coverage.  I have no plans of moving anywhere but am pained that, in Canada, as with the rest of the world, if you have diabetes your ability to receive the best treatment options depend on where you live...or the size of your bank account.

If you can afford the insulin, the test strips, the glucagon kit, the insulin resevoirs, infusion sets, pump, CGMS, and sensors then you can efficiently manage your diabetes to the very best of your ability.  I am not saying that this will guarentee you the best control, but you will have the best tools to help you be the best artificial pancreas you can be.  If you have to pay for your "new" insulin (be it rapid acting or long-lasting) because your province's formulary only covers things like Regular insulin and NPH then you have to watch your insulin consumption a bit more.  If you have to pay for your own infusion sets then you want to cry each time sweat or rough play causes a site to fall out before at least reaching day three of use.  If you have to pay for your own CGMS then you pray with each sensor that it will last and continue to provide data well after the supposed expiration date.

The items I have listed above are not luxuries.  Its not about having a Hyundai Accent versus a Jaguar.  These items keep our loved ones with diabetes alive, healthy...and ultimately active and productive members of the tax paying community. We have made huge strides in the past ten years regarding improved access to medical supplies and devices. I pray for the sake of my son and so many other people's children that we make bigger leaps towards seeing no inequity regarding medical coverage in the future.

Monday, January 24, 2011

I think he's growing up

This morning I watched my son head off to school.  Gone were the days of baggy tshirts and the orphan look.  He is now a young man with his hair just so and tshirts showing off his new developing body.  I know that puberty has arrived because of the nightmare roller coaster of blood glucose levels we are riding on.  I know he is growing because I now look him in the eyes where he once looked up to me.

He is my youngest.  I have always looked at him as my little boy. Diabetes meant that Mom hung around more places with him.  He didn't venture off as much by himself.  He was always more of a homebody.  He was happy to spend time by himself and could easily amuse himself.

My how times have changed!  He now has his XBox headset on at all times and is steadily chatting with a variety of friends.  He is asking to go over to this classmatess house and to the movies with a group of friends.  He is beginning to take better care of his diabetes which allows me to let him spread his wings with greater confidence. 

He was low over the weekend.  I caught one low at 2am and another after 8.  Of course, he was asleep for both of them.  At the supper table, he mentioned that he must have been low a lot the previous night.  He felt he was low at least four or five times.  I said I had dealt with three lows.  The 2am too a bit of treating.  My fiance suggested that he needs to learn to wake up and deal with his own lows at night. My heart broke at him taking on so much responsibility but I knew that this was true. One day he would need to be able to look after everything himself.  I plan on him having a CGM by the time he leaves home but he still needs to learn to actually wake up if it alarms.  My son however was not worried about any of this. He quickly replied that he planned to live with us until he was at least 30 and thus the problem was solved!

He is taking on other problems however.  Sunday night his low insulin alarm went off.  He told me he was going to fill the cartridge before bed.  I know this is not the ideal time to do anything with your pump and I have had that discussion with him before.  Since I test and check things throughout the night, I will keep harping and hope he will fix this habit in the next few years.

But back on track, I went to bed and my son headed to bed soon after.  I forgot about the cartridge and so did he!  At 2:30, I woke up and tested him.  All was fine but his pump was alarming.  My son actually sat up in his bed. I asked why his pump was beeping.  He said "I
forgot to fill the cartridge!"
"How many units do you have left?"
"I guess you are getting up to fill it huh?" I asked as he headed off to the fridge to get insulin.

I was proud to see him taking charge and dealing with his oversight. I didn't have to deal with anything. I just had to go back to bed.  His 2:30am cartridge change may not have been his finest hour of diabetes care because he was in the 20s (360+) when he got up at 7 but it was a start. 

So when he was up and heading for school this morning, I sat amazed at how much my son is growing up.  He is more outgoing. He is getting taller and more physically mature.  And the one thing I feared would never happen--my son is getting more responsible.  Wonders never cease! I hope it lasts!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Voyages into the room of a teen with diabetes

Today I did the unthinkable...I ventured into my teenage son's room and attempted to tidy it up a bit.  In fairness to him, it wasn't too bad.  I made him shovel all of the used test strips, pump tubing, empty insulin bottles, and old school papers off of the floor yesterday.

My first stop was the bed.  Time to change those sheets! As I pulled back the comforter I found stray socks--used, smelly and rolled in a ball at the bottom of the bed, test strips, and his cell phone. I couldn't believe that he headed out the door this morning without it!  He must not have been very awake when he was heading out the door but at least I know he did remember his meter.
As I went to put on clean sheets, I continued to shake my head.  Down the side of the bed were another four or five used socks, an old cell phone, numerous dead test strips and a few infusion sets. 

The entire situation made me sit back and laugh.  He really is a teen boy--smelly socks, cell phone, deodorant, workout equipment, its all laying around his room in various states of disarray.  He is also very much a teen boy with diabetes--test strips(new and used), empty test strip vials, tubing, sites, log books, as well as full and empty glucose tablet bottles.  Oh my!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Advocacy burn out...and recharge!

There are days when you wonder, "why do I do this? Am I past my best before date? Should I shut everything down and disappear into the wood work?  Have I had my last hurrah?"

I started years ago when I felt that Canada needed a bit more for children and parents of children with diabetes.  It became a great platform to rally people and create the change that we saw in the Disability Tax Credit.  Over the years I add the "blog" as some people were actually interested in how we handled diabetes and felt less alone reading about the insanity in my world.

As I kept this stuff going, there were some seriously low times in my life.  There were okay times in my life and there were some great times in my life.  Doing this "stuff" was an outlet.  It made me feel like maybe I was doing something and helping someone.  I receive phone calls and emails that let me know that I was helping someone and I did make a difference.  They kept me going but there always is that little voice that says "Go and get a real job.  You don't matter any more.  Get on with life and let the next generation of diabetes advocates have at it."

Yesterday was a five star day that should hopefully quell that voice for more than a few days.  I received an interesting email from a lady and it took me a little off guard.  Her grand-daughter was having a baby shower and instead of a gift had asked that she support by purchasing something from the online store.  I had once had a woman want to incorporate diabetes awareness into her wedding but this was even more personal. It was addressed to me.  The young lady appreciated what the website has to offer and wanted to do what she could to support its continued existence.  It truly touched me.

This was actually the icing on my cake for the day.  You see before this woman's email I had received another one stating that someone would be in contact with me.  That someone was in charge of changing the Standards for Children in Schools in our province.  For the first time, after too many years of asking, our province wanted to change how they deal with children with diabetes in schools.  They realized that the system they had in place was just not enough.

I live in a province with a large number of children with diabetes.  Each year I receive phone calls from parents in tears after trying to get help and understanding from their schools.  There are some great schools out there but there are some terrible ones.  A policy for the province would help to even the playing field for all students with diabetes. 

I had done it! The emails and conversations to friends and politicians asking them all to help had paid off. They want to talk to me about doing what they can for children with diabetes.  I don't expect miracles but going from nothing to something is huge! I was so overwhelmed--so happy.  Finally we were starting to see change!

As you can tell, my energy has been recharged.  The little voice given a good smack that should keep it in check for at least a few months or more.  We all have our ups and downs, our highs and lows, but as the saying goes "To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you are the world."  Making a little difference is a very big thing.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Up, Up, Up and now down we go

It seems like forever since we saw any readings that were not double digits (over 180 for my American friends).  Of course during the neverending highs, we had my son's A1c done. We have not gotten back the results.  I really don't want to even begin to look at them. I know we had good readings somewhere in that three month period but when? For how long? I can't remember them so that cannot be a good thing.  Maybe I will just look at the date for our next appointment and not scan to the bottom to view our failing diabetes grade.

Since we saw our diabetes team last week, Mom went crazy and upped all ratios and basal rates.  Nothing was safe. As I state before--I was going to win! I would beat puberty. I would beat hormones.  I would see readings under ten again!

Not long after my acts of diabetes agression, I began to finally see results.  My son texted me from the bus "Mom, I have 7.6 (135)".  Happy dance! I wanted to scream! It was only one reading but finally something in range!!!

I held my breath for the next reading.  Could we go for two? Had I made some headway? YES!! Another good reading. I was doing a happy dance to end all happy dances.  He was proud.  I was proud and those around us probably thought we were insane.

I quickly got used to readings in range again. We still had blips and sites that fell out between my last test and him getting up but things were pretty good.  So good in fact that when we were out for dinner the other night and he said "Mom, I'm low."  I looked at him like he had three heads. 


"Yep.  I am 3.6 (65) and I need some glucose."

Again I looked at him like he was from Mars.  "Glucose? Oh you need some tablets! I know I have some somewhere. They have to be in here."  It had been so long since we needed them that they were lodged at the bottom of my bag.  The weekend saw more lows--not serious, scary, middle of the night lows,  just "Barb you over shot the mark a smidgen" lows.  This morning we went to the orthodontist.  When we came out I had my son test.  He was low.  He was out of glucose.  Did I have any tablets? What were we going to do? We had been dealing with highs for so long I hadn't concerned myself with carrying extra glucose anymore or topping up my bottles. It appears that neither had my son!

Tonight its tweaking of basals, praying that he doesn't go high again and happily filling up all glucose containers with glucose tablets.  Ah the joys of life with diabetes!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Good Age for Diagnosis?

It teaches me to wander into forums and read things when I should be focused on the stack of work I have for myself on my desk...

I was reading about a child diagnosed at age two and the parents were asking for tips and help.  The entire situation was overwhelming and despite logically knowing that injections and testing were keeping their child alive, everyone was in tears during the process. One well-meaning parent, who also had a young child who had been diagnosed at two as well, stated that they should be thankful that this was the only life their child would ever know.  They went on to say that the parents could spend the little one's childhood properly preparing them for their adult, independent years. 

I can fully understand what they are saying. I can see the logic, but like the family who cried at every injection, my heart screamed when I read this.  There is no good age for anyone to develop diabetes.  There is no good thing about my son being diagnosed when he was two and not knowing what it is like to simply put food in his mouth without thinking blood glucose level, insulin and carb counts. There is nothing good about the number of injection marks all over his young body.  There is nothing good about fighting puberty and diabetes at the same time. 

There is nothing good about worrying about a seizure in a toddler because of a low that he/she cannot yet feel.  There is nothing good about a child growing up knowing that Mom will be with him at almost all events because no one else will learn to care for him.

There have been benefits.  I have made friends that have stood by me for years.  He has had the opportunity to travel and meet some incredible people as well.  Would I trade that for him to be diabetes free? In a heart beat! As much as I love my friends, I hate diabetes and wish we had all been able to meet under much better circumstances.

I decided to see if I was alone in this feeling and asked a group of parents what they thought.  Most parents felt that it really depended on the child.  They felt that while one of their children copes fine with the disease (having been diagnosed young), another would be a nightmare if they got it now in their teen years.  Other parents decided to pose the question to their children and again we found mixed answers.  Some were happy with the age they were diagnosed (okay they would prefer to never have gotten diabetes but you know what I mean), others felt that an older age would be much better.  Just as some adults had pointed out, these children felt that if they were older when diagnosed they would be better able to understand what was going on with their bodies.

So the verdict? What is the best age for diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes? 200 years old was my personal favorite!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

T-E-E-N is a four letter word!

Today was the day anyone living with diabetes seems to dread...the A1c report card.  The last A1c was Horrible (yes that is horrible with a capital H).  We went up over a full percentage point. I wanted to cry.  There was logic behind the horrific rise.  We were moving.  My son was spending a lot of time away from me and his care was pitiful at best. It still did not look good and I just could not handle any lecture.

Today's A1c did not have that same excuses.  My child has spent almost all of his time with me.  We did have our earlier fall rebellion with no testing and minimal bolusing that was bound to have an impact on today's test.  Lately though he has been testing.  He has been bolusing and our readings? Well they are the readings that now make me understand Joe Soloweijczyk's suggestion to run over your glucometer.  Despite doing all things right, my son's reading cannot get out of high double digits (we are talking 250+ for my American friends).  I have upped basal rates.  I have adjusted carb to insulin rates.  We have prebolused.  We have changed sites, insulin and even batteries.  Nothing is working.

I walked into our appointment today full of trepidation.  These people do not know us well. They know me by reputation which is not as bad as it sounds but we have only seen this team once before.  What we they think? They will know that I am now officially the worst diabetes mom on the planet. I spent the night wondering if we would soon have to look at adding something like Metformin to his regimen. I was grasping at straws!

This afternoon we pulled up our big people pants and headed into the clinic.  We went to check in and she said "Your appointment was last week and we have you as a no show. Your next appointment is in April."  What??? I told her we had received three different appointment dates and times.  The last one was via email just before the new year.  It told me to come in on the 11th.  I found the email and told her who sent it.  She said that his doctor was in and she would see what she could do.  She went back and they would fit us in.  No one had a clue how this had happened.

They weighed and measured my child.  He had grown 3cm (over an inch) and gained 13 pounds since the summer! I could tell. Besides the insulin resistance, he was starting to be able to look me in the eye.  His doctor noticed the change in him as well.

We saw the nurse.  We have known each other for years.  She reminded me that puberty was hell and things would only get worse.  The A1c's of under 7 would be something we could fantasize about but would not see for at least a few years.  I was dying! She said the last A1c was not that bad considering and I told her that this one would not be better.  She looked at his readings and agreed.  He has been high, high and high.  We haven't seen a low in weeks.  He is getting used to running to high and I am in panic mode.  I told her that I had upped his basals and she said to keep doing what I was doing.  If I needed some help to give her a call.

We saw the doctor and she concurred. She suggested that I not be afraid to warm it to the insulin.  The little jumps that I have been making are just frustrating me.  Make bigger leaps (probably during the day when I am more comfortable) and try to find our way out of this.  She agreed that we didn't want this to go on for long and was open to the possibility of adding in other things if need be but we are not at that stage yet. 

All in all, the highs are not the result of a non-compliant kid.  Despite my grumblings, he has been doing a lot better lately and I made sure that I said it a lot in front of his team members both for his benefit and theirs.  He is just growing and going through puberty.  He eats non-stop but that's called being a teen. I have lived through that with one son and now we go through it with another. 

I left the house today filled with anxiety.  What would they say? I am a bad mom for allowing this to happen.  My finance reminded me that he was growing and I was doing my best.  You have to truly love that kind of realistic support.  I came home calm, happy that we were done in less than two hours, and feeling ready to tackle that horrible four letter word--TEEN also known as the insulin resistant years of hell.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

What's all the hub-bub, Bub?

Once again a celebrity has opened their mouth before thinking about what was being said.  Yesterday Rikki Lake mistakenly stated that Type 1 diabetes was preventable.  She never knew what a hornets' nest she walked into with those few words.  Very quickly after her faux pas on Good Morning America, social networks were abuzz with outrage that people with Type 1 diabetes were once again being "blamed" for their disease.

I admit that I did stand up and state that I thought she was a bit of an idiot.  I also stated that sadly, like diabetes, there is no cure for stupid.  I do believe that people coming out in the media should have their facts straight before they open their mouth.

The entire diabetes community was not up in arms about this as the furor might have suggested. I had a few friends who, like many of us, are simply tired of stupid.  They have decided not to get their undies in a twist over every misstatement made in the media and simply take solace in the fact that their children understand how serious their disease is.

I do appreciate that feeling.  I have reached a point where I do pick my battles.  I understand that there was a piece on the popular show "The Doctors", in which diabetes was discussed, Type 1 was mentioned but still the gist of the story could leave people thinking that lifestyle would "cure" Type 1 diabetes.  I can't be that picky.  They mentioned the two types, people need to be healthy, okay I am done.

When picking my battles, I do take exception to statements like that made by Miss Lake.  I do not expect everyone to be an expert on diabetes, but unfortunately when people are given the opportunity to be in mainstream media AND they are promoting themselves as somewhat of a health expert things change.  There are many people who watch them and believe what they say.  They do not research the validity of what they say, they assume it to be so because they saw it on a credible show. 

Again, the question was so what? Who are these people that believe everything they see on TV and how do they impact my life? They are your teachers, your neighbours, your politicians, and John Q Public who looks for a worthy cause to support each year. 

I know that most of these people should be smarter than that.  Should be perhaps but how much information does the average person glean from the media and do they tend to just take at face value? I read yesterday that a person refused to donate to the JDRF because they knew that kids were eating too much junk and their parents should be ashamed of themselves for giving this disease to their kids.  My two year old never had a piece of "junk" until he was much, much older and at that point it was in moderation and with an external source of insulin to keep him alive. 

The misinformation about diabetes (both Type 1 and Type 2) spreads much faster than true facts.  The diabetes community knows the difference.  We complain and occasionally, as was the case with Rikki Lake, sincere public and private apologies are made.  Does that change the big picture? Probably not.  We need to educate as strongly with "good" information.  Myth spreads like wildfire. Its just like gossip.  Truth and the real story is not pretty. 

Children drawing needle marks on their body was a powerful message that it did not run very long on public television stations.  The fact that people with Type 1 diabetes are still seven times more likely to die at a younger age than their counterparts gets shuffled to the back pages of journals, never sees the front page of a paper, and garners little if any media attention. 

So what does this mean? Do we sit quietly when stupid remarks are made? Do we not bother to educate because people aren't getting it anyway? No.  I think we educate more.  We groan when someone is stricken with "stupid" and then we work harder to "cure" them. They will never become as well versed as we are because their lives or the lives of their loved one's are not hanging in the balance but hopefully they will get one step closer to knowing that diabetes is serious.  Diabetes is deadly.  Diabetes is not a disease that anyone wants or enjoys.  It needs to be cured.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Where has all of the new technology gone?

Is it just me? Have I been in the game too long? Am I no longer in the loop like I once was?

This year brings our 11th anniversary of living with diabetes. Not nearly as much fun as a wedding anniversary but its better than the anniversary of my son's death.  When we first started down this road I was steadily finding something new.

We started on a "new" rapid acting insulin--Humalog.  Soon after, there was Novolog (or NovoRapid for those of us north of the US border).  After that we saw long lasting, peakless insulins like Lantus and Levemir.  We were the first patients that my son's doctor ever prescribed Lantus for and he was pumping at the time (Mom wanted to have some "just in case").

We started on an AccuChek meter that required at least 30 seconds to read and people were grateful for this "speed".  Soon meters were showing up that required 15 and finally 5 seconds to read.  The blood required was no longer a vial per test but a pinhead sized drop.  It seemed that every week there was a new and better meter to try. 

Insulin pumps were also changing on a daily basis.  Smart pumps were coming on the market and everyone was getting into the game.  There were four companies at least to chose from and everyone wanted your business so they each had features that made you take notice.

Continuous Glucose Monitoring was still something done with hospital equipment and a blinded machine but the GlucoWatch and rumours of more were coming.

Fast forward to 2011--We are still using the same meter we have had for the past three years.  We have the same pump that we started my son out on 8 years ago (it has upgraded slightly) and fear when we have to look at a "new" pump because it will not be as good as the current "Green Machine". There are three CGM systems available in the US but none of them are within reach of those of us without insurance.

We are fortunate that our province has an insulin pump program and as long as we live here (or until my son turns 25) he will have his pump and supplies covered.  They also will cover his rapid insulin because it is a must for his pump.  CGM systems remain a dream that must somehow become a reality before he heads off to university but that is a few years yet thankfully.

So am I out of the loop? I know that there are OmniPods and talk of micro-pumps have been in the works for well over five years but these things are not new and no longer excite me.

Am I just getting bored or not spending as much time researching as I once did? I looked forward to the advances in technology.  New meters were collected and used with serious scrutiny. There were better insulins and everything seemed to be moving forward at a breakneck pace. 

Today things seem slower.  There is still "cure" talk but I have grown calloused to such chatter. There is work on closing the loop but again, its not now and its not something I can put my hands on.  

I miss new gadgets and things that made me think that I was doing better by my child. 

Monday, January 3, 2011

Diabetes Holiday Sequel...or More Grey Hair

My son is now safely tucked back in front of his XBox.  My night-testing holiday is over and not a moment too soon! I haven't looked at his log book yet.  I don't have an idea of how much testing he did (or did not do) while he was gone. I don't know what bolus errors were (or were not) made.  None of that matters. Having a child with diabetes away from your watchful eye is stressful in itself.

My son enjoyed his time at his father's.  He caught up with friends, met new family members and enjoyed a short visit with his older brother.  Mom should have enjoyed not having to get up at 3 am each night but here or not, my body would not sleep through the night. I was awake as much or more with him being gone.  Last night I was awake more than ever when logic suggests that I should have been savouring that last full night's sleep until Easter holidays.  Not me! I wrote this blog.  I did errands.  I worked on my website...all in my mind of course but I never shutdown until it was time to leave for the airport this morning!

I did enjoy the time that my other son was here with us.  It was great having him around again even if it was only for a few days.  He is a young man now but he will always be my little boy.  He headed back to school with reminders that phones do work for more than texting your girlfriend.  He also left with a message for his younger your mother!

My youngest seems to have developed selective phone service.  Text messages and phone calls from Mom don't always get through for some reason.  This first started not long after he arrived at his father's.

"How are things going?"
"How are your readings?"
"I was high"
"Do we need to make changes?"
"Changed my site"
"So are things better now?"
"So are things better now?"
"What is K?"
"Yep to what??? Are you still high?"

And so the conversations continued. I would call or text. I would get one word answers that left me more confused than relieved.  He swears that his log book is done.  He was low this afternoon already.  Hopefully reading his log book will give me a sigh of relief because he did test, he did bolus, he did log.  I can dream, hope, pray!