Mommy sleeping guilt

Vacations are terrible for us. The vacation part is fabulous but the highs that seem to result are torture. You see there is the limited activity while you are driving, flying, boating or visiting. There is also all of those strange carbs. You tend to eat out more and eat new foods at friends and family dinners. On occasion we get the carbs right but more often we seem to miss testing, bolusing or getting the cabs right.



The other problem for me is “mommy guilt”. When we stay in the same hotel room, I hear every turn he makes. I sleep for an hour or two and wake to one of any number of noises. I look across the room and see my son sleeping. I feel like I should be testing. I also definitely want to get some sleep and relax as well. He might be high or with all of the insulin we have been pumping into him, what if he is finally low? I have to test.


Night testing is a personal choice. After reading a recent study stating that 5-27% of people with Type 1 diabetes will die of Dead in Bed Syndrome, my choice is to continue to test at night. I have always been a night tester but I completely admit to getting tired. Often I don’t fall asleep until at least 11pm and seem to wake up within two hours. I will test my son then and then its back to doze for a bit. The first test has happened because I am positive that it must be at least 3 or 4am. The second test will happen because I am paranoid that its later and there is a reason that I have woken up.


The other night, I watched my son sleep. I woke up to test. I watched him sleep. I finally fell asleep. I woke to hearing his pump going off because his insulin was getting low. I tested when I turned off the alarm. I fell asleep. I woke to someone tossing around in bed. I tested. I fell asleep but was woken up by a call reminding me of an endo appointment for next week. The time difference between where the appointment is and where we were located meant that I was answering my phone at 5am. Might as well test but wait, the low insulin alarm is going off as well. I really did not want to get up for half of these tests. I wanted to sleep. I watched the males in my life snoring and enjoying the peace and relaxation of a good sleep. I was jealous. I hated diabetes. I wanted to sleep like this. I wanted a break. One day I guess...