Thank you to our Doctor

Happy 4th of July to our US friends! 
This post was originally published in response to a question for Diabetes Blogfest  last year....



Dear Dr. vG;

It is day two of Diabetes Blogfest and a letter to you seemed appropriate.

We met over 11 years ago.  I was told that you were the best and when I saw you, well, I wondered.  My son was terribly ill and a man in a checkered shirt, bushy beard, and big winter boots was to be the one to save him? I left it in God's hands and we have never looked back.

You were very matter of fact when you met us.  You left me scared and shaken to the core when you told me that the next twelve hours would tell us if he lived or died, if he had heart problems or kidney failure.  You would teach me about diabetes and whatever else I needed to know after you saved my son's life.

I remember very little of you after that.  I know you were there. I know that our prayers were answered and you saved my son's life that night. You carefully balanced his insulin and fluids, bringing him back to us healthy and full of life. 

You met us again after he left intensive care.  I can still see you standing near his room door.  You told me that he could honeymoon for years.  You warned me of impotency at 20.  You gave me the facts never worrying that I could not handle them.  You told me that I had to learn things that were foreign to me.  I had to be able to handle my son going low before we could go home. You seemed to know my strength more than I did because I was sure I would never be able to handle it all.

Over the years you pushed me.  You guided me and then left me to fly or fall on my own.  You told your secretary to ignore my faxes for help because you knew that I could answer my own questions. I grumbled upon your return, you laughed and reminded me that I had done fine. When I decided to apply and fight for the Disability Tax Credit you told me I was crazy.  You said it could not be done but if I wanted to waste my time, you would not stop me.  When we were headed to court to further the fight, you were still standing beside us.  When we won, not just for my son but for the thousands of people living with diabetes in Canada, you laughed and complaied that I had given you more work that you didn't need.

As my son grew, you pushed me again.  You knew that diabetes care I could handle but you also knew how difficult it would be for me to let go of my children--especially one that had almost been taken from me.  You made my son take care of himself long before many thought he was ready.  You asked more of him than many others of his age.  I was scared. I balked but went along with it because it had worked with me.  Your reasoning was sound but I was terrified.

I am still scared today but I am grateful for the tools you gave us.  Last year, we moved away and had to leave your practice.  When my son was diagnosed, I had asked if you would ever leave us but I never imagined that life would put us on a path where we would have to leave your care. 

You shared stories of your family.  You shared your insights and offered us food for thought. You created a strong foundation for us to go forward on and I will forever be grateful.  We have stumbled.  We have not always agreed but you allowed us room to grow and had faith in us when we may not have had it in ourselves. 

Thank you for saving my son. Thank you for showing us how to stand.  Thank you for giving us the courage to fly.

Once again....Airports and Pumps

A review for those of us traveling...



In the news recently was a story about a 16 year old young girl who was returning from a conference.  She happened to have diabetes and was wearing an insulin pump.  She had a letter from her doctor stating that she could not go through the scanners but would require a body search.  TSA screeners in Salt Lake City felt that they knew better than this young lady or her doctor and required her to go through a full-body scanner.

She has since claimed that this act resulted in the malfunctioning of her $10,000 insulin pump.  She is not happy. Her parents are not happy and many in the diabetes community are left asking, "What are we supposed to do?" 

For me, we have done both the patdown and gone through a screener.  Until recently I have told the security personnel that my son is wearing an insulin pump and we would prefer he be patted down.  At one point they argued with me stating that as pumpers themselves, they constantly exposed themselves and their pumps to the scanner machines with absolutely no adverse effects. We decided to finally give it a try. Of course my son had some other item on his body that set off the alarm and still had to be pat down but his pump did not see any adverse damage. 

So the question remained, for those of us who will be traveling by air and having to go through airport security what do we do? According to an Animas statement released in response to the Salt Lake City incident (May 2012 Standby Statement)  "...we recommend that our patients avoid going through X-ray machines when traveling, as the machines may potentially damage the pump's software and therefore affect insulin delivery.  This includes the newest airport screening tool, Advanced Imaging Technology (AIT) or full body scanner."  They further advise pumpers to alert TSA employees that they are insulin pump users and should NOT undergo an X-ray machine.  Animas will also provide a letter to its customers that can be shared with airport personnel should they be questioned or asked to be scanned. If Animas pumpers have any further concerns, they can visit www.animas.com or call 877-767-7373.

I wondered why there was a problem, so I asked! I was curious if there were studies on how this decision was made. No studies could be found but it would appear that engineers feel that each time an electrical component goes through an x-ray machine, it fatigues some of the electrical components.  This made sense. If we get X-rays for our teeth, for the breathing issues in our lungs, after the skiing accident on our leg, and then on the six plane trips we took that year...well that's a lot of potential for fatigue!

 According to Medtronic, "You can continue to wear your insulin pump or continuous glucose monitor while going through common security systems such as an airport metal detector as it will not harm the device or trigger an alarm.  Do not send the devices through the X-ray machines.  You also need to remove your insulin pump and CGM (sensor and transmitter) while going through an airport body scanner or ask for a pat-down screening."   

I was still confused though...what is the difference between X-ray, full body scanners and metal detectors?  Google to the rescue! While I did not bother to get into the technical differences, we know that the X-ray machine is the thing that scans our purses, laptops and jackets.  How do we tell the difference between a metal detector and a body scanner? It turns out that a metal detector is the traditional screener that we have all come to love to hate.

The full body scanners are the new fangled gadgets that some airports have recently begun to implement. They look more like this...

and for some reason make me think of a woman getting ready for a mammogram!

What does all of this mean? The main message I received is to go with a pat down ideally but absolutely, 100% without a doubt do NOT put your pump on the belt with your laptop, purse or jacket to go through the X-ray machine. Do not put your pump or CGM through a body scanner but if you want to walk through a regular traditional metal scanner...well make sure that you don't have the pump clip still attached because you know that is going to set it off!

Obsessed...Me??

On this day in 2010 I wondered if it was okay to be obsessed...


Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines "obsess" as to excessively preoccupy the mind. People have said that I obsess over my son's diabetes. I have jokingly gone along with it on occasion. I have also been shocked at times to realize how much it is a part of my day and my life.

A couple of times recently, I have had the opportunity to go to lunch with my oldest son while my child with diabetes is involved in other things.  As we sit at a table, I want to ask him to test.  After his meal arrives, I automatically figure out the carbs and then have to stop myself from telling him how much to bolus. Maybe that is a little "obsessed" or perhaps its just habit.  

For over ten years he has been with me most of the time. During most meals, I have had to remind him to wash his hands and to test his blood glucose level.  Even when he has not been with me, I have had the carbohydrates calculated in almost all of his meals done for him ahead of time. I don't think that wanting to ask someone else to test or calculating carbs is an obsession then. I think its just our way of life. 

Its not just meals that make me think about diabetes related stuff either.  I have been packing and unpacking as we adjust to a new home, new city and new way of life.  Things have been more than just a little stressful as the school year end was happening at the same time. I have been organizing diabetes walks, packing clothes, throwing out items stored for years, filling prescriptions, changing doctors and preparing myself and my son for his two week visit with his father. 

When all of the boxes were packed, the house was cleared, we had made our nine hour drive to our new home.  I had wonderful help in terms of my family to get things boxed up and shipped on. There was nothing left behind that was not meant to be.  Every piece of toilet paper was picked up. I was exhausted when we pulled away from our old house but I was confident that we had everything that we needed and that my son had all that he would need for his two weeks with is father.

Being exhausted and emotionally drained before a nine hour drive can only make your mind worse at the end of said drive. When we arrived here, my son and I grabbed the coolers and began to put things in the fridge and deep freeze.  Where was the insulin? I had about six vials of insulin.  Where was it? I took it out of the fridge. I put it on the counter. There was nothing left on the counter.  I had to have it.  What did I do with it? It was driving me crazy.  How could I have misplaced something so incredibly important?

For those who don't understand the reaction is obvious...why are you obsessing? The child is not even here and won't be for two weeks! He has his insulin and you do not need any.  You can buy more when you need it.  What is your problem? Why can't you let this go? Why is it so important to you now when you should be thinking about sleep?

Those questions did run through my head.  I have to have our prescriptions moved over before he gets home.  There is some insulin here even if I don't get it done in the next two weeks exactly.  Am I obsessed? The short answer to me at that time was YES! How can I not be? I have lived this life for the past ten and a half years.  I have seen how vital insulin is.  Yes, it may be about my child's life but this is my life as well. Whether he is here or not, diabetes has become something that I live and breathe.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Some may say its a bad thing and that I need to loosen up.  I think that it is okay.  I have seen too many deaths from this disease. How can anyway say that being concerned, being on top of things and worrying about your child's complete health is a bad thing? Oh and for the record...I still have about 50 boxes to go through (or so it feels like) and I still have no clue as to where the extra insulin is...or my cheese for that matter!

Diabetes still isn't sexy!

Happy Canada to all!! Here is one of my favorite posts inspired by a great parent of a child with diabetes....

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Everyone knows about breast cancer. If you are a woman like me, you fear it.  Everyone knows pink.  Everyone knows about losing a breast, chemotherapy and all of the other nasty things that come along with that horrible word--cancer.

November is Diabetes Awareness month. Very few know about diabetes.  Most people think it happens to someone else.  They don't think its serious.  They are not sure if the awareness color is blue or grey...and aren't really that concerned.  They know about blindness and amputation but that is not a given so its really not that big of a deal.

Its the ignorance of the disease that is frustrating.  The "its no big deal." and "You worry too much." comments that kill you.  I recently had a teacher ask me if we could arrange my child's highs and lows around an exam schedule.  She was well meaning and very sincere.  She thought that perhaps with warning of when a test was coming, that we could make sure that my son did not go high or low during that time. She was told by myself and one of her colleagues that it didn't work that way. 

It is hard to make people "see" what those of us who live with diabetes in our lives 24/7 "see" each day.  They don't understand why we test during the night and deprive ourselves of much needed rest.  They haven't had a friend not wake up from diabetes.  They don't understand how quickly a low comes on even after you have recently tested.  They haven't seen a child pass out in the middle of a playground because they went low and didn't know how to tell you.  They don't understand why we are so fearful of ketones.  They haven't seen the how quickly they attack our loved ones leaving them weak, frail, and clinging to life and how long it takes to get rid of them. 

To most people, diabetes is that disease where you can't have sugar (I mean its called "the sugar" isn't it?).  Its that disease that Grandma had but she liked to sneak cookies so its no wonder she went blind. Its not like cancer or a serious disease. No one dies from diabetes.  Parents who test, hover, and want you learn about that thing called Glucagon are just those overprotective people who need to learn how to let their kids just be kids.

I don't know how to get the majority to understand.  As someone recently said, diabetes is not sexy.  It is not a disease about pretty pink ribbons and cleavage.  Its a disease that is grey and about blood.  There is nothing attractive about diabetes.  You can't see a pancreas.  Don't get me wrong. I am very attached to my breasts and would love a day when we don't have to worry about breast cancer but after years of being my son's pancreas? Well, it may not be a sexy organ and it may not have any appeal to the general public but I guarantee it has my utmost respect and I would not want to lose it either.

So what is the answer? How do get more people to understand? We keep going as we are and then some.  We advocate. We educate. We communicate.  We teach those who want to learn.  We tolerate some ignorance and try to help them to understand what this disease is really about. Its a long road. Its frustrating at times but with each person who learns the reality? Well its another person who wants a cure almost as much as those of us who live with it.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Everyone knows about breast cancer. If you are a woman like me, you fear it.  Everyone knows pink.  Everyone knows about losing a breast, chemotherapy and all of the other nasty things that come along with that horrible word--cancer.

November is Diabetes Awareness month. Very few know about diabetes.  Most people think it happens to someone else.  They don't think its serious.  They are not sure if the awareness color is blue or grey...and aren't really that concerned.  They know about blindness and amputation but that is not a given so its really not that big of a deal.

Its the ignorance of the disease that is frustrating.  The "its no big deal." and "You worry too much." comments that kill you.  I recently had a teacher ask me if we could arrange my child's highs and lows around an exam schedule.  She was well meaning and very sincere.  She thought that perhaps with warning of when a test was coming, that we could make sure that my son did not go high or low during that time. She was told by myself and one of her colleagues that it didn't work that way. 

It is hard to make people "see" what those of us who live with diabetes in our lives 24/7 "see" each day.  They don't understand why we test during the night and deprive ourselves of much needed rest.  They haven't had a friend not wake up from diabetes.  They don't understand how quickly a low comes on even after you have recently tested.  They haven't seen a child pass out in the middle of a playground because they went low and didn't know how to tell you.  They don't understand why we are so fearful of ketones.  They haven't seen the how quickly they attack our loved ones leaving them weak, frail, and clinging to life and how long it takes to get rid of them. 

To most people, diabetes is that disease where you can't have sugar (I mean its called "the sugar" isn't it?).  Its that disease that Grandma had but she liked to sneak cookies so its no wonder she went blind. Its not like cancer or a serious disease. No one dies from diabetes.  Parents who test, hover, and want you learn about that thing called Glucagon are just those overprotective people who need to learn how to let their kids just be kids.

I don't know how to get the majority to understand.  As someone recently said, diabetes is not sexy.  It is not a disease about pretty pink ribbons and cleavage.  Its a disease that is grey and about blood.  There is nothing attractive about diabetes.  You can't see a pancreas.  Don't get me wrong. I am very attached to my breasts and would love a day when we don't have to worry about breast cancer but after years of being my son's pancreas? Well, it may not be a sexy organ and it may not have any appeal to the general public but I guarantee it has my utmost respect and I would not want to lose it either.

So what is the answer? How do get more people to understand? We keep going as we are and then some.  We advocate. We educate. We communicate.  We teach those who want to learn.  We tolerate some ignorance and try to help them to understand what this disease is really about. Its a long road. Its frustrating at times but with each person who learns the reality? Well its another person who wants a cure almost as much as those of us who live with it.

What's Your Favorite Number?

I once pondered my favorite number. Here is that post...


Everyone always asks you "what is your favorite number?"  For whatever reason, mine has always been six.  Today I realized how much I truly love that number.

Last night I tested my son at 2:30am.  I had changed his basal rate was I was expecting him to be either in range or high.  I was figuring on the high because we only seem to have readings fall into one category or the other--high or low. I was happy to see that he was 6mmol (100) and headed back to bed with a smile on my face.

This morning I began to think about numbers.  A high (anything over 12 in my world) causes a groan--hormones are raging or we miscalculated a bolus and I am a bad pancreas. A higher high--something over 16 (290) causes a slightly larger reaction--CRAP! What is wrong? Did we forget a bolus? Is the site in? Is the insulin bad? Is there air in the tubing? Will this correction work or should I inject? Crap!

There is also the dreaded non-number.  You know, when the meter simply says "HI" and you know that its not being friendly and wanting to strike up a conversation.  That is the reading that instantly gets the "Oh SH!#" response followed by the injection, ketone meter, jug of water, new site, new insulin and a lot more cursing wondering where I went wrong. I am now a colossal failure as a pancreas and have to get serious FAST.

On the other side of the coin, we have the number 5. I hate a five at night (90 for my American friends).  A five is a number that is close to six but far enough away that it could easily turn into a four...or less.  A five keeps me awake at night. I wonder which way it will go.  Will it make it up to my beloved six or will it tank to an unwanted two?

Fours are much more simplistic.  Add a small amount of sugar.  Its too close to call so I assume we are heading to a low.  Add a tablet or a bit of chocolate milk and rest assured that a crisis has been averted.  Well don't rest too soundly because I have been wrong before and he could still tank but its a start.

Threes are a two tiered panic.  The first three I see at night, I respond with "crap"! I have to be a bit awake and somehow get glucose into my child.  The second three (or worse) means I am wide awake and cursing the arrival of diabetes into our lives.  I then know that this will be a long night and I will be tortured by its memory long after he has climbed back up to my special number--six.

A two or one? Well they instantly put me in five star, full fledged, try not to panic, but What The...??? freak-out mode.  These numbers have me clambering for glucose and praying I don't need the glucagon.  These numbers have me watching the clock praying for the next reading to be so much better.

Yes, six is a wonderful number. Its peaceful.  It means I have been a good pancreas.  It has a serene sense to it.  Even a 6 in an A1c is fabulous.  I love six...don't you?

I don't remember...revisited

Here is another of my more popular posts. It came about after a conversation about my son's diabetes diagnosis....


Today was that day we all dread...the diabetes clinic day.  It started badly. We circled the hospital parking lot forever waiting and waiting for a spot to become vacant. My son rode shotgun and called out "Over there! There's a truck...too late.  Follow that little old lady, she's...nope someone got there first." This was our morning for close to 45 minutes. We were late for our appointment.

I was only mildly concerned because, like all good doctor's offices, I knew that this one would also be running behind.  I was right. The time spent looking for a parking spot was the time we otherwise would have spent sitting in the waiting room.

Relatively quickly, we were ushered into a room and waited for our numerous visitors.  The first person to come in and chat wanted to know how things were going at school.  Did we have any issues? Did we need her to call the school? No, we were doing alright there. The issues I had at school were not anything that would be fixed by a phone call. I needed my son to be a little more visible with his diabetes and be less self-conscious about testing. No one could fix that but us.

I was surprised to see my son's doctor arrive next.  I have been lucky to have had great doctors for my son since his diagnosis. She asked him how he was doing, asked about any illnesses and then turned to me for basal rates.  She looked at his age and asked him how long he had had diabetes for.  My son was stuck.

He looked back at her with a blank expression. I could tell that he was thinking, "What do you mean? I have always had diabetes. I can't remember when I was diagnosed. I can't remember my life before." Instead he just said "I don't know."

I piped up and said that it would be twelve years on Saturday.  She smiled and said that Mom never forgets.  How right she was. 

Ironically, on our drive to the hospital that morning, the conversation of my son's diagnosis came up.  He asked a few questions and I told him that he had escaped Death's grasp those many years ago.  He was rather silent and then said, "I am glad that I don't remember any of that." 

I smiled. I wish he remembered life before needles and testing. I wished he remembered a time when it hurt to lance his fingers--he told the nurse today that he no longer feels these things.  I hope for a tomorrow when he can look back and say "I used to have diabetes."  For now, I just remember how far we have come and continue to grateful every day that my small little boy didn't answer the door when Death came knocking almost twelve years ago.

Mom You are Low!

Like any good family with diabetes living in the house, we have a rule...Never Waste Blood!  If you cut yourself, find a meter. Never waste an opportunity to see what your blood sugar levels are. 


Yesterday I was drying off our blender and was stabbed by one of its blade.  I could feel the piercing of my skin and began to squeeze my finger. Sure enough blood began to spill out of a small cut. 


I was on the phone but headed to my son's room and said "I need a meter. I am bleeding."  


He dropped the game he was playing, found a meter and grabbed a test strip. It was so odd to see him moving my finger to the meter the same way I have done with his for years. The role reversal was strangely sad. 


I continued my phone conversation and he said "You are low.  Its says you are 3.6(65)." 

I told him I couldn't be low and walked away.  The blood had dried up and I couldn't retest to prove to him the result was off. 


A few minutes later my son followed me into the kitchen where I was still on the phone. "Mom, you are low. You should be having an orange juice."


I told him that I felt fine. Shouldn't I feel different if I was low especially since I don't have diabetes? 


"Mom, everyone is different. Perhaps people without diabetes feel lows completely different than I do.  The meter says low. Low is low. You should have some orange juice." 


In the meantime from the other end of the phone I heard "or at least go and take a glucose tablet."  I was speaking to my mother and she seemed to be enjoying the irony of this conversation. 


I never did have any juice. The only "symptom" I had was a mild headache that had plagued me all day.  I am going with meter error but his concern and his no nonsense approach to my reading made me laugh but it also touched me that he was worried too...only in a house where diabetes lives!




Beginning tomorrow, I will be re-posting blog posts from the not too distant and distant past.  I hope you enjoy a stroll down memory lane with me.  I will be out of the country taking in a vacation like I have never had before so enjoy and I am sure I will have lots to blog about when I return!